


Withheld

by annsabine



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Awkward Kissing, Books, Cussing, Dry Humping, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Libraries, Love Letters, Makeup Sex, Outdoor Sex, Poetry, Smut, TAGS ARE SPOILERS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-05-23 02:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6101857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annsabine/pseuds/annsabine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra finds something in a book that she wasn't meant to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Found Poetry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SoManyJacks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoManyJacks/gifts).



> Thanks to girlnamedjack for the prompt and for general awesomeness.  
> This is my first attempt, so please comment and let me know how I did!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Added: I forgot to credit the sentiment about poetry!! Bad writer!  
> “A poet is a musician who can't sing.”  
> ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

The dawn was still pink in the clouds above Skyhold when Cassandra closed the door of the forge behind her. She stretched, flexing her muscles as she prepared for her morning routine in the practice yard. Lifting her arms above her head, her eyes caught a hint of bright color out of place in the greenery beneath the window of The Herald’s Rest.

 “Ugh” she sighed as she realized what had caught her eye was the bright red cover of a book. “Who has been leaving books out to spoil in the wet air,” she said aloud to no one.

 Cassandra lifted the book, and as she turned it to read the name from the spine, a piece of loose parchment fell from the leaves. It was a Bestiary by a well known Orlesian biologist, something she was sure she had seen in the library.

 “So little respect for the property of the Inquisition,” she thought.

She collected the scrap of paper from the damp grass, hoping it would indicate who had been so irresponsible, but instead of the notes she expected, the sheet contained only a short poem.

  


          My eyes

          Hands

          Words are withheld

 

          From you

          Who hold nothing in reserve

          Be it action or anger.

 

          How am I to be forgiven

          For this lie I tell you

          With every unspoken thought.

  


Cassandra’s breath caught in her throat. Such a heartbreaking sentiment, and so beautifully written. She thought she recognized the tight but flowing hand, but could not place it.

 Who had written this? Could it have been Dorian? But no, he may been reluctant at first, but now his relationship with The Iron Bull was anything but reserved. Perhaps Blackwall, everyone knew he was secretive to a fault, but no, he was no poet that was certain.

 She thought for a moment of Varric, and a sharp sort of feeling stirred in her chest before being pushed aside. No, it was not written by the Dwarf. He had made his feeling on poets quite clear. “Mooncalves, idiots. Poets are just singers who can’t hold a tune,” he had said.

 It made too much sense for Sera or Cole, was too kind for Vivienne, and it was assuredly not the Inquisitor, who was so open with every detail of his life that she could recite what he had had for breakfast for the last 3 days.

 Cassandra sighed. It was a mystery. Perhaps there was hidden talent among the scouts just recently returned for resupply. She would ask Scout Commander Harding later. For now, she set the book on a bench and returned to her exercises. She would return it and its mystery to the library when she was finished.

  
  
  


====================================================================

  
  
The afternoon sun was bright and a hard wind whipped the banners on the ramparts when Cassandra finally found Scout Harding in the courtyard.

 “Scout Harding, may I have a word?” Cassandra asked.

 “Ma’am, yes of course Ma'am..My Lady.. Ma’am” Harding replied. She wasn’t sure if Cassandra had ever spoken to her directly before. She hoped she hadn’t done anything wrong, because the tall Seeker scared the shit out of her.

 “Ser would be the appropriate form of address, but there is no need to be overly formal,” Cassandra corrected. “I found one of the Inquisition library books in the courtyard this morning. It had been left overnight in the wet grass.”

 Harding was not sure how to respond. “That’s... bad?” she said hesitatingly.

 “Of course it is bad, that is no way to treat one of the inquisitions few precious books,” Cassandra snapped.

 “Seeker, you're gonna make poor Freckles piss herself.”

 Cassandra turned to look as Varric strode across the courtyard towards them.

 “What’s got you all riled up, the wind unwrap your braid again? Are you grilling the girl for tips? She does have great hair,” Varric quipped.

 “I was merely inquiring if anyone from the scout regiment had perhaps borrowed a book and failed to return it to the library,” Cassandra said. “I apologize if I was harsh with you Harding.” She turned to face the scout.

 “It’s just fine Ser, I doubt it was one of mine though. This bunch aren’t really readers. What was the book about?” Harding asked.

 “It was a bestiary. With a red cover,” said Cassandra.

 Varric twitched, but the smirk on his face did not waver. Well, shit... of course it was the Seeker who had found the book. Ten to one she hadn’t opened it though, so maybe what he had left tucked inside the pages was still there.

 “Well, we will all be on the lookout for the culprit. We wouldn’t want people ruining our few Orlesian books would we?” Varric laughed. “Is the precocious object back in the library where it can be protected, Seeker?”

 Cassandra scowled and turned away from him.

 “Thank you for your time Scout Harding, I hope you enjoy the rest of your break from the field,” she said before marching off towards her room above the forge.

 “Geeze,” sighed Harding and visibly relaxed as she watched the Seeker walk away.

 “Yeah,” laughed Varric. He clapped the Scout on the shoulder before heading inside the Herald’s Rest.


	2. A Plan in Common

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Cassandra each have a plan, and nothing happens as expected.

 

Cassandra retreated to her room and closed the door, then leaned back against it with her palms pressed to the cool wood.  She stared hard at the weathered boards beneath her, not seeing them.  How had he known? Perhaps there was only one bestiary with a red cover in the library? Of course, he must have used it to do research for one of his books. That must be the case, he had borrowed it and returned it, and the poem had nothing to do with him at all. Or with... anyone else....   

She stepped across the room to the window and looked out to where she had left Varric and Scout Harding.  The Scout was there, chatting with Sera, looking even shorter next to the lanky elf.  She was smiling and Sera was standing stiffly with her legs apart, holding one arm across her chest like a salute.  

“Is she doing an impression of someone?” Cassandra thought.  She could not see her face, but it must have been funny because the scout began to laugh, holding her side and bending slightly at the waist.  Sera relaxed and her shoulders began to shake as well.  She put a hand on the Dwarf’s arm to raise her up, and for a moment they both stood still and looked at each other.

Cassandra suddenly felt like a voyeur and turned away.  She had reports to complete, and Cullen had asked her to help with training some new recruits.  She had responsibilities and could spare no more time for this odd mystery and what seemed to be a whole castle full of budding romances.  “Ugh,” she sighed, pretending even to herself that she was disgusted by the frivolity that surrounded her.

There was only one way to get the ridiculous thing out of her head; she must return to the library.  She would wait until the tavern had filled and the Great Hall was empty.  No use in rousing anyone's suspicions. 

* * *

 

Varric walked into The Herald's Rest showing no signs of stress.  Nope, he wasn’t anxious at all, had no desire to sprint back up to the great hall and dash up the stairs to find out if the slip of parchment he had forgotten in the folds of that stupid book was still there. 

“Why did I write that drivel in the first place?” Varric said to himself as he sat himself down in his favorite corner. 

“You're talking to yourself again Varric.  Not a good sign.” 

Varric looked at Krem. “Get off the furniture Doodles,” he chided.  “Your feet belong on the floor, not the seat.  Were you raised in a barn?  Do they even have barns in Tevinter?”

Krem smiled. “Shit yeah, fancy ones with marble columns,” he shot back, before returning his attention to the bar maid walking by.

Varric grinned and focused his attention on the tankard that same bar maid had deposited on the table in front of him.  

“Fucking poetry… and the idiots who write it...” he thought. “I have to stop drinking so much.” 

But he couldn't blame the drinks. That wasn’t why he had written it -- there was more to it than that.

Varric’s mind wandered back to the night before, one of the few evenings that both Cassandra and Leliana had joined the usual crowd at the Rest.  Something about having her friend nearby had loosened the tight hold Cassandra usually kept on herself.  She had smiled more, and had laughed (actually she had snorted) at one of his stories about Hawke. 

At some point they had ended up alone at a table talking about the past, and they both had such a rough past.  They talked about their brothers, the way it felt to be the only one left in the world with memories of their childhood. 

They had joined the others in a game of Wicked Grace that Cassandra had quickly lost and Varric threw, giving Cullen a win just for the fun of it.

They had all drunk more than usual, and by the end of the night Cassandra was sitting with an arm around Leliana humming and swaying in time to the rhythm of an old Fereldan ballad.  He had watched her from across the room, the firelight reflected in her eyes and the warmth of the wine flushing her cheeks.  She had been so beautiful, and he had been, what the hell, inspired.  

After scratching the poem onto a slip of parchment, he had slipped it into the book he had borrowed to research the mating patterns of  Varghest for his latest serial. He could blame Sera for how the thing ended up in the bushes outside. She had snatched his satchel and retreated to the roof saying he couldn’t get her because he was too “Dwarfy”.  The book must have fallen out when Blackwall went up to get it, and he was too drunk to notice that it wasn’t in his bag.

Well, there was only one way to keep himself from going crazy worrying about the damn thing all night. He would wait until later and sneak up to the library.  He was sure the poem would still be there. He would grab it and burn the thing like he had planned to in the first place.  

“Poetry...” he sneered and sighed into his ale.

  
  


* * *

 

The Crows above were quiet, only occasionally letting out a sleepy “caw” as Cassandra climbed the stairs to the Skyhold library.  She had come across from Cullen’s tower room, hoping not to encounter anyone on her way.  She knew it would only lead to teasing, and questions as to when the library had begun collecting romances.  She wasn’t in the mood.

Unfortunately, the book had already been shelved and Cassandra’s familiarity with the library's system of organization was poor at best.  Or the system was poor, or perhaps Leliana’s elf librarian was rearranging things again.

She spent nearly an hour looking through the spines of books, lifting out the red ones, half wishing they would, and half hoping that they would not, be about animals.  The search was not helped as the light faded and the sky outside turned dark, but she chose not to draw attention by lighting a lamp.  

Finally she came to a section that seemed to be entirely devoted to research about the creatures of Thedas.  Almost all the books were red, it was apparently a theme. She found the Orlesian book and leafed through the pages looking for the paper she had left inside.  It was not there.

“Ugh,” she sighed and put her hand to her forehead.  How was this helping?  She was now more confused than ever.  How could Varric have known that the book she had spoken of to Scout Harding was Orlesian?  Who had removed the poem from the book here in the library? What in Andraste’s name was she doing!?   
  
Cassandra replaced the book and began to walk back towards the stairs.  No longer distracted by her search, she could hear the wind around the tower and the hum of voices from below.  She stood still to listen.  Solas was speaking in hushed tones to a young mage who had shown an interest in the Fade.  It was soothing, his voice low and pleasant as he spoke of the beauty he found in the memories of ancient things.  

“Seeker,” came a voice from behind her.

Startled, Cassandra jumped and turned to face Varric “What! Varric...why are you... Don’t sneak up on me!” She stuttered.

“I’m sorry!” Varric raised his hands as if to surrender.

“What are you doing here?” She demanded.

“What are YOU doing here? Checking to make sure all the books are tucked in for the night?” Varric snapped.  Shit, he didn’t mean to be like that. It was a habit to poke at her but that wasn’t what he wanted, not tonight.

“I... I was... I do not have to explain myself to you, Dwarf.” Cassandra began to feel the heat of righteous anger.  He had snuck up on her, like the thief he was, and asked HER to explain?  She began to turn away but felt herself stopped by a strong hand on her wrist.

“Wait a second Seeker. I’m sorry.”

Cassandra snorted. 

“I am. You were right. You asked first and I should answer. I was here looking for something I lost,” Varric said.  

There was a tone in his voice that made Cassandra’s heart jump. She stopped pulling away from him, but did not turn “What.. what did you lose Varric?” She asked hesitatingly.

“Something I wrote.” Varric almost whispered the words.

There was no reason now to ask what it was, but she still had one question, “For who?”

Varric sighed.  This wasn’t the way he had imagined telling her his feelings.  Shit, he hadn’t imagined EVER telling her.  What was the point?  When he had seen her standing with her face lit by the lamps from below, lost in listening to Solas’s lecture, he hadn’t meant to speak, but he had.

In the silence that followed her question they could hear Solas speaking again. “Secrets are different in the Fade. Here they fester and ache, but there they become forms of themselves. You see secrets lingering in the shadows, and the fear of them is more because they can be seen, but a secret in this world holds more power to harm than any spirit.”

Cassandra turned to face Varric.  Her eyes seeking him in the dim light.  “Was... was it for...” She couldn’t finish.

“Yes,” he said and he couldn’t help but reach for her. Expecting resistance as he placed his strong hand on the back of her neck, he found none as he pulled her down to him. His lips touched hers softly, still unsure of her reaction, until he felt her hands cup his face and her breath whoosh out over his lips. 

He kissed her then in earnest, mouth opened slightly and hand tightening on her neck.  The other reached for her lower back to pull her into his embrace.  She stumbled a bit, and he realized the height difference really was an issue when kissing a human woman. 

“This won’t work,” Cassandra said, and Varric froze.  

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have....” He began, but Cassandra was pulling him by the hand to one of the libraries alcoves.  

She sat down on a wide bench and he sat beside her.  The height difference was less noticeable now as he turned to her and began to speak.

“Don’t,” she said and kissed him. Her hands in her lap uncurling as he pressed his rough palms against her cheek, caressing her and running his thick fingers through her short hair. 

He felt the silky wisps at the back of her neck and moaned slightly.  

The sound went through Cassandra like electricity, shooting sparks up her spine and warmth to her core.  She shuddered and her breathing increased.  Pulling away she looked at Varric.  It was dark between the shelves of books, and she could only see the outline of his head and shoulders, and the glint of his eyes.

“I must... go,” she said, and before he could stop her she was gone.  He heard her quick steps on the stairs as she left him, aching, confused, and alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anxty... Me and the fic. So this is a big leap for me as a writer. I'm a poet with VERY little experience writing fiction. I am OVER THE MOON HAPPY with the response so far. 
> 
> Thanks to all who commented and left Kudos! 
> 
> Also, warning, there is smut in the next chapter.....


	3. What Words Lead To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words lead to more private actions.

That night Varric fell into a kind of trance as he wrote. He never felt this way with his novels or histories. It was like he was half asleep, or not really there. It was disturbing. He wondered if this was what dreaming felt like.

Always before he had burned the scraps of parchment covered in short un-rhymed lines. He had never kept one for more than a day. Not that the poems weren’t good, he knew some of them were, but they weren’t for other people to read. Shit, HE didn’t even want to read them again. Once they were out they were out, like a fever purged, or a good… well, maybe not like that.

But that night Varric wrote, and he read what he wrote, and he thought about someone else reading it. About her eyes on the lines and the way the words could make her feel, how he prayed to The Maker they would make her feel.

Before the sun rose he slipped a parchment under her door and crept quietly out of the forge and back to his room above the garden, but once he was there he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned before finally closing his eyes and taking himself in his hand. He thought of her lips then, and her hands on his face. Of her body under her armor and how it would feel to hold her.

He stroked himself slowly, then faster as he thought of her thighs, and how he would push them apart. How he would lean down between them and..

He came against the blankets with a groan.. they would need to be washed, but for now he could only roll over, and finally, sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Cassandra woke and saw the white sheet of paper on the floor she stared at it for a long while, lying still and only half awake. Eventually she moved her blanket aside and put her bare feet on the cold floor. Two long strides covered the whole of her room, and she leaned over to lift the paper from the floor. She read:

 

Seeker

As a pilgrim in the cold my love goes out to you,  
longing for the warmth of your body.

Pure as a Chantry maiden it waits,  
For the kiss of the one who made it.

In your arms my only blessing can be found,  
solace in the swell of your breast.

For just one chance at worship I would come to you,  
As you would come for me.

With God's name on your lips,  
Forgive this sinner for his heresy.

 

Cassandra sat down hard on her cot. Her eyes filled with tears and her body burned. She read the words again and again.

It had been years since she had longed for someone in this way, and in the end that longing had been chilled by the others lack of passion. She had thought it was her fault, she was not beautiful enough to incite his desire, so she concentrated on their mutual respect, their deep friendship and their timid lovemaking. But now she thought, perhaps she had been wrong, perhaps she was desirable, was.. beautiful. At least to him.

Her heart flared up and her cheeks glowed with this feeling of being wanted. She wasn’t sure if she deserved it, but that did not matter so much to her at this moment.

 

* * *

 

At breakfast Cassandra did not see Varric. It was not strange for him to miss the morning meal after a late night at The Rest, but she had hoped to find him there this morning. She turned and looked every time the door opened, and Dorian wasn’t going to let it pass unremarked.

“Looking for someone Cassandra?” he asked.

“Not really Dorian, but you are so quiet, I was hoping for more chatty company.” Cassandra quipped back. Her lip twitching in a half smile at the mage.

He laughed. “You aren’t fooling me Seeker of Truth. I know allot more than you think. Books tell tales...” he took a bite of a red apple and raised his eyebrows.

Cassandra stared at the mage open mouthed. Had the gossip begun already? She had barely started to hope there would BE something to gossip about.

“Dorian, please. Don’t say anything about us to...”

“Ah Ha! There is something going on between you and our vertically challenged companion!” Dorian interrupted.

“I though you... you tricked me! I thought you knew!” Cassandra almost shouted and a few faces turned to look at them.

“I do NOW” said Dorian. “What happened? Did he write you another chapter of Swords and Shields? Did it have a secret message in the text that only you could devise? Do tell!” Dorian perched his chin comically on his hands and batted his eyes at the Seeker.

“Nothing like that. It was... an accident. I found something and... well I am not sure I can tell you the rest.” Cassandra stuttered.

“You are as eloquent as Cullen.” Dorian leaned back in his chair.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“I’m not disappointed, honestly Cassandra. I am happy for you both. You have been making eyes at each others backs for long enough.” Dorian said as he rose from his seat. “I have things to do. I promise to keep this little chat a secret from everyone except Bull. He would tease it out of me anyway. Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the process...” he smiled as he left.

Cassandra finished her meal before heading to meet with Josephine.

She was deep in thought as she passed through the Great Hall and almost forgot to look for Varric in his normal place by the fire. He wasn’t there, and her shoulders fell as she passed the groups of visitors and opened the door to Josey’s office.

 

* * *

 

Varric woke refreshed some time in the middle of the day. It was strange to wake up this late without a hangover, and he was hungry.

After finding a loaf of bread, some cheese, and a bottle of decent wine Varric went to look for Cassandra. She was not in the practice area by the forge, so he headed to the garden. She might not be there, but it was a good place to eat.

As Varric stepped through the archway and looked out over the garden wall, he saw not only Cassandra, but Josephine and the Inquisitor as well. They were standing near the gazebo chatting. Varric stood and observed the three of them.

The Inquisitor had an open almost childish face that hid his prodigious magical power, and masked a deep and unbreakable faith in his destiny as the Herald of Andraste. His devotion had worried Varric at first, smacking of fanaticism, but as he had gotten to know the man his worries had lessened. Now he was pretty sure the Inquisitor wouldn’t impose universal Chantry Law any time soon.

Josephine looked like a princess in her ruffles and starch. She held herself perfectly, as if each movement had been calculated to have the best effect. But beneath her well-kept exterior was a mind like a steel trap, and a keen ability to manipulate the powerful people she dealt with every day like a puppet master.

And then there was Cassandra, What the hell.. he could right a book. Probably would if she let him. A warrior queen of old. A women of honor and fortitude to rival anyone. How could he hope to deserve her? He probably couldn't, but he might be able to fake it for a bit.

Varric walked over to the group, and the flush on the ambassador's cheek when she saw him told Varric that Cassandra had confided in her. He hoped he had Josy’s support. He wouldn’t stand much of a chance without it.

“What kind of trouble are we all in now? You three with your heads together is never a good sign.” Varric quipped as The Inquisitor stepped to open a space for him among them.

“Nothing we can’t handle. Plans for the trip to the winter palace, and a conversation I haven't been paying attention to about clothing” the Inquisitor looked sheepishly at Josephine.

“You agreed to uniforms for the evening Inquisitor. They must be designed and tailored in time. We need to discuss colors and patterns.” Josephine said with a sigh.

“And does my opinion matter in this conversation?” asked Cassandra.

“It really does not at all. You can feel free to go.” Josephine smiled at her friend to take the sting out of the words.

“I am going to step back and pretend I wasn’t even here.” Said Varric, and looked at Cassandra. he raised an eyebrow and tilted his head towards the staircase to the battlements.

The two stepped away, leaving the Inquisitor looking confused and helpless as Josephine described to him the difference between crimson silk and red satin. They headed up the stairs to the battlements and at the first landing Varric reached for Cassandra’s hand. She took it, and they climbed the stairs in silence.

Near the top Varric stepped in front of the Seeker and, from a step above her took her face in his hands for a kiss. She melted into his arms as if she had been thinking of nothing else all day.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra had been waiting all day to be alone with him again. Here in the breeze at the top of the stairs she could think of nothing but his hands on her skin and the warmth of his lips on hers. She needed him to ease the burning inside her his words had caused.

Too soon he broke the kiss and looked at her. His breathing was heavy and fast and there was a feral look in his eyes that made her own breath catch in her throat.

“Can we go... somewhere.” Varric asked.

Cassandra took his hand now and began walking towards one of the unused tower rooms.

“I could get used to you leading the way Seeker.” Varric laughed as he followed, bringing their clasped hands to his mouth where he could press warm kisses against her knuckles.

The tower room was full of broken boards and stone. A few old paintings leaned against a wall. Varric looked around. “Up there.” he said, and pointed to the loft above them. He could see a clear blue sky and birds through the broken roof.

Cassandra climbed the ladder before him, and he used the moments well, watching her strong legs, and her amazing ass, as she worked her way up in front of him. He held back a strong desire to put his face between her legs right there on the ladder.. probably not a safe plan anyway.

As his head emerged above the floor he could see she had begun to remove her armor, unbuckling the straps and lifting the heavy pieces off.

Varric tossed the bag with the wine and his forgotten lunch down and began removing his hidden knives and the few other heavy or pointed items he kept in his pockets. He tucked them into the satchel and pulled out the bottle.

“I had my lunch with me. Would you like something to drink?” Varric asked.

Cassandra looked at the bottle, “That isn't a healthy meal.” She teased and removed her sword belt, letting it drop to the wood planks.

Varric set the bottle down and closed the space between them “I brought more, but I’m suddenly not hungry, well not hungry for food anyway.”

Cassandra stood still as Varric placed a hand on each of her hips. His fingers tightened, bunching the fabric of her padded under tunic. His eyes were focused on her legs and hips, and his shoulders moved with his breathing. She reached out and ran her hands down the swell of his arms to his wrists and hands. She helped him lift the last of her armor over her head. She was left in only her shirt and leggings.

“Maker you are so beautiful Cassandra.” Varric whispered.

At the sound of her name she melted before him, falling onto her knees and into his arms as they both sank to the floor. His hands were on her back, in her hair and his lips were hot on hers. The kisses were open mouthed and passionate.

Cassandra let her head fall back and wrapped her arms around Varric’s neck and shoulders, urging his face into the hollow below her chin. He kissed and sucked at her warm skin. Tasting the salt of her sweat. His hands came up to cup her breasts and he nuzzled between them. She moaned and he squeezed, and they both breathed harder as he pushed down the cotton band that held her breasts tight beneath her armor.

“You can't know how long… how many times I have imagined touching you like this. “ he said.

“You have hated me. I interrogated you and dragged you across Thedas. Why would you want me?” Cassandra asked breathlessly, her hands in his hair and on his neck.

“I'm a sucker for punishment.” Varric said as he pushed her down to lay on the wooden floor and moved down beside her.

Kissing her again, his free hand wandered down from her breasts to her stomach. He pulled her by the waist closer to him, and groaned again as she wrapped one leg around his hips.

His cock swelled at the closeness of her sex. Pushing out as if to reach for her, begging for the space between them to be closed, but he didn't want to push. All of this was so new.

But Cassandra had no such reserve. She urged him to his back and rose up to straddle him. Pushing herself against his length as she continued to kiss him. She rubbed herself back and forth and they both began to moan.

It was all Varric could do not to come in his smalls. The sight of her swinging breasts through the loose neck of her shirt nearly overcame him.

“Wait, stop.. I can't...” He said, and she rose up.

“What is wrong?” Cassandra said and the concern on her face made him quick to reassure her.

“That felt so amazing. I want to have more time… before… I mean... it's been a while.” Varric was embarrassed. “I mean, we could just. We don't have to go any further.”

“I want you to touch me.” Cassandra leaned down and said the words in his ear.

Varric swelled even more at her words and Cassandra could feel his cock jump against her.  
His hands left her hips and moved between them, pulling up the hem of her shirt and unlacing the top of her leggings. All the time he continuing to kiss her slowly, nipping at her lips gently.

When his hand reached inside her small cloths to brush the hair between her legs Cassandra gasped. He pressed his palm to her mound and ran one finger down her crease. He teased her , applying pressure but not moving between her folds. She moaned and rutted against his hand.

She hid her face against his shoulder and quietly begged him “Please. Please...”

He pushed one finger between the velvet folds of her sex and she was so wet it slipped easily inside her. She jerked against him and he moved it in and out using his thumb to rub against her knot of flesh.

“Oh. Maker. Varric yes.” She moaned and he jerked against her thigh at the words.

She reached for his cock. Palming his length through his trousers and rubbing up and down. They matched each other's movement. A second finger joining the first inside her as his free hand moved again to her breasts.

They were panting gasping and moving in matching rhythms as he felt her body tense around his fingers and heard her whine, high pitched and keening, “Yes, yes, oh Maker yes”.

Her back arched as she came against his hand. And at the feeling and sound of her orgasm he felt himself begin to tip over the edge. He reached for her hand and held it against the fabric over his cock, thrusting his hips against her palm before groaning his release.

They lay together, her head still buried against his neck, and panted. Soon their breathing slowed and Cassandra lifted herself off of him.

Varric felt cold where she had been touching him and the loss of her closeness tugged at something in his chest.

“Cassandra...” He said.

She looked and saw a hint fear and questioning on his face.

“I like to hear you call me by my name.” She said to him. Reaching out and touching his cheek with her fingers.

Varric relaxed and raised his hand to hold her palm against his lips. His fingers were still moist and smelled of her body. He kissed her wrist and hand.

“I think we may be missed if we linger here much longer.” She said.

“Yeah. OK.” Varric raised himself up and began adjusting his clothing. “I’m starving. Do you mind if I eat?” He said.

Cassandra laughed. “Not at all. Share the food with me. But no wine. It is too early and I want to be at my best when I am sparing with Bull today. He takes every advantage and would tease me terribly if I was even slightly drunk.” She said.

They sat in a companionable silence while they ate, watching the birds above wheel against the blue sky.


	4. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric has a chat with a friend. Cassandra gets a sneak peak at the next Chapter of Swords and Shields.

Varric’s place in the Great Hall was perfect for many reasons. Reason one was that he could overhear enough gossip from the milling visitors every day to keep him supplied with plots for the next 30 years.  Reason two was that he could get a feeling about the way the whole inquisition was functioning by observing how people acted as they entered and departed through the large wooden doors. But both of these activities required that he not be an obvious observer, and that was nearly impossible to do when a seven foot tall Qunari insists on hanging around all afternoon. 

“How could you possibly be a spy?” Varric asked the lounging giant sitting beside him blocking half the heat from the huge fire. 

“Well, it's a pretty easy job. I do some fighting, and drinking, and then once in awhile I tell Par-Vollen about it.” Bull replied 

“Heh. Where's the sneaking, plotting, the subtle machinations?”

“If you do that, everyone knows you're a spy. Drinking, fighting, writing notes, that's all it really takes.” Bull held up a finger for each item on his list of spy essentials. 

“Shit. You're really the worst Qunari ever or the best. I can't decide.” Varric smiled and slapped Bull on the shoulder. 

“No reason to make up your mind just yet.” Bull grinned and leaned towards the Dwarf. “Seriously though, I have a question for you Varric.”

Varric looked into Bull’s eye and asked “What's up Tiny?”

“You and the Seeker. What is going on with that?” Bull was nothing if not direct.

“I’m not really sure what you’re asking.” Varric said. “We’re not getting engaged or anything.  We seem to be exploring... things... What do you mean?”

“Well here’s the thing...  She has had you arrested, threatened you, stabbed your book, yelled at you, and treated you like something she found on the bottom of her shoe.”  Bull looked at the Dwarf who was frowning at him from across the table. “I’m not one to judge the way someone gets their kicks, and that body.. mmmmm… but there's a whole lot of anger there too, and it seems to be directed at you more often than anyone else. Is it just hot, or what?”

“Look, Tiny, I see what your saying.  I have asked myself the same thing, and I know there is a certain amount of pathology pulling the strings in here” Varric tapped the side of his head “I know she and I have had our differences, and I don’t know when I went from wanting to piss her off to wanting to get her off, but it’s a nice change and I’m not going to argue with it.”

“Right. Good.  Just wanted to know you were thinking with the right head.” 

Bull stood up and Varric realized he had been hanging around all afternoon just to ask that one question.  He felt good knowing he had made a few real friends here and smiled at Bull.  

“Thanks for giving a shit Tiny” Varric said, and Bull headed back to the tavern to check in with the Chargers.

Varric wouldn’t let himself dwell too much on what Bull had said. It was all true, and he knew their relationship, whatever it turned out to be, was not the ideal romance.  None of his relationships were.  They were either stretched over years of drama or so short they barely registered. He had had all the power, or none at all.  He didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like, and he didn’t think this was the one that would show it to him. Why get worked up over it?

He sat at the table, lifting piles of paper and shifting things around like he was working, before he felt the urge to write come over him again.  He took a pen in hand and got to it, knowing he would have little peace if he put it off. 

 

 

Consequences

 

We both know there will be consequences.

Tears in the dark after the other 

is asleep by our side,

or far away. 

 

There will be anger,

and words that leave empty

aching silence

between us

 

There may be a night when I leave you,

and don’t return at all,

When you will wait 

worried and angry. 

 

But I will not loose the mornings sitting

silent across from you at the table,

happily not speaking 

bathed in early sunlight,

 

by breaking my heart now to protect it.

  
  
  


Varric looked at the paper before him.  What the hell was he becoming?  A damned poet of all things!  He hoped Isabelle never found out about this because she would never let him live it down. 

He wasn’t sure what to do with the thing now that he had written it. He didn’t mean for her to read it, it wasn’t the kind of thing you wanted your new.. whatever.. to read.  But in a way, it wasn’t his to dispose of. Burning it would be a bit like burning a part of her.  He slipped it under a pile of reports he had been translating for the Inquisitor, and gathered himself to go looking for Cassandra.

  
  


* * *

 

 

The night sky was filled with cold stars and the air that hung around Varric held the scent of Embrium blossoms from the garden below. He leaned over the balcony and inhaled. Beneath the cloying sweetness of the blossoms was a hint of elf roots medicinal sharpness. 

Varric heard her footsteps on the stone stairway and turned to watch for her. As she came around the corner he could see she was not wearing her armor, and instead had wrapped a leather belt over a long tunic of light fabric. She smiled when she saw him and his heart leaped inside him. 

“Good Evening Seeker” Varric said. 

“Good Evening Master Tethras” Cassandra tried to look serious. She had agreed to meet him at his rooms, but now that she was near she was nervous. 

“Come inside.” Varric said and turned towards his door. Cassandra followed him looking once left and right to see if they were watched. 

Varric smiled at her as he closed the door behind them. “Welcome to my humble quarters,” he said. 

Cassandra looked around, shocked at the opulence of the room. Every piece of furniture looked comfortable in the way only expensive things can do.  There was a desk, a small round table with two chairs, a settee before the fire and a large curtained bed covered in quilts. 

“Please tell me that you have paid for this excess from your own pocket Varric.” Cassandra said.

“Of Course!  But I don’t deny I dropped a few names in Val Royeaux.”  Varric swept an arm towards the fire.  

Cassandra sat on the couch and rested her hands in her lap. She was uncomfortable now that she was alone with him again. The thought of what they had done in the tower tickled at the back of her mind and the presence big bed filling one corner of the room excited her. She knew she wanted to be there with him, but was that all she wanted? She could not decide, still wrapped in the memory of his words and hands. Did she want more?

Varric went to a table and poured two glasses of wine. He brought her one and sat beside her. One leg bent on the cushion, and leaning back against the couch's arm. He watched her sip the wine, nod unconsciously in approval, and then take another swallow. 

“So I thought maybe you would like to get a preview of the next chapter of Swords and Shields.” Varric said. 

“You have one? Of course I would! I have been in Agony not knowing what would happen to the knight captain” Cassandra sat up straighter and leaned towards Varric a bit.

Varric jumped up. Placed his wine on a table and went to his desk. He pulled a small pile of paper from a larger pile and grabbed a notebook as well. He handed Cassandra the chapter, retrieved his wine and settled back down in his place. 

“Why don't you take of your boots and get comfortable.” Varric said. 

Cassandra removed her soft leather boots and placed them side by side by the fire. She then sat curling her legs beneath her and began to read. 

Varric looked at her unabashedly. He watched her lips move slightly as she read and her hand unconsciously move a loose hair from her cheek. He felt his world shrink to the size of this one piece of furniture. 

He felt like writing, so he did. 

  
  


Virago

 

From here across a distance I can see you

Strong as iron and deadly as a dragon's breath

Your beauty is a constant threat

That I advance to meet at every opportunity. 

  
  


Cassandra read Happily for almost an hour, and then she got to the smutty bits. She glanced up to see Varric reading something in his notebook and then quickly returned to the pages. 

He could hear her breathing just a bit harder and he knew she had reached the part of the chapter he was waiting for. He looked up. She was blushing but her eyes did not leave the page.

He set aside his notebook and leaned towards her. He reached a hand out and placed it on her knee. She looked up into his eyes. 

“Keep reading” he said. 

She did, and he ran his palms along the outside of her thighs, then back and up along the tops until his thumbs rested against her stomach. He moved them down and exerted a gentle pressure to part her legs, then ran his hands down the insides to her knees. 

He looked at her for a moment, and when she looked up at him, eyes wide and smiling, and then returned quickly to the page, he moved his hands back up between her legs. He brushed her sex with the outsides of his thumbs before reaching for the drawstring of her pants. 

She leaned back slightly to allow him to untie them and then lifted herself up as he drew her leggings off of her body.  She wasn't wearing anything underneath. Varric groaned quietly. 

Cassandra continued to read as Varric caressed her skin, coming close but not touching the place between where she was growing warm as she read of the Knight Captain's encounter with a rogue prince.

Varric pushed Cassandra's legs further apart. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her inner thighs, moving up slowly until he reached her mound. He kissed the top of her slit then reached the tip of his tongue inside and pressed it to her clit.

She jumped at the touch of his lips and then jerked towards him as she felt his tongue slide between her folds. This had not been something her Mage had ever tried to do, and she had never asked. Feeling she should be content with what he gave. But, oh what she had been missing. 

Varric began to work at her with his mouth. Licking slowly up and then gently working the bundle of nerves at the top with his lips. He raised a hand and pressed a finger inside of her, curving it up to press against her walls.

She was writhing now. All pretense of reading gone as her hands were busy gripping the settees back and arm. Her hips were pressed up against his shoulders and her head was flung back. She moaned at the pleasure he was bringing her, and knew she would not have to wait long for her release.

It came in waves. Approaching and retreating until it had built up and crested over her. Her hips fell back against the settee and she panted

“Can you put that in writing for my publisher? He's always looking for good reviews.” Varric quipped as he wiped his face with a handkerchief. 

Cassandra reached out to give him a smack on the arm but the move turned into a caress and she smiled languorously. 

“Bring me to your bed” she purred.  

Varric reached for her, and with his strong arms lifted her and carried her to it, laying her down and climbing up next to her. She reached for him and kissed him, tasting herself on him. It was not unpleasant, she thought, and deepened the kiss. 

Varric was struggling with the nearness of her naked crotch and could not help reaching down to run his fingers through the velvety folds. She jerked at his touch but did not pull back. He moved gently, avoiding the over sensitive top of her slit. 

Cassandra reached down to untie Varric's waistband, but was confounded by his sash. “You are wearing too much.” She said against his cheek, and he quickly rushed to disrobe. She lifted her own tunic off and lay back naked across his bed. 

Varric looked at her, skin olive and shining from the sweat he had caused with his mouth and hands. He moved slowly back onto the bed from the foot. Moving up towards her, allowing her to decide where he ended up, between her legs or beside her. 

Cassandra opened her legs to him, watching as he moved up between them and positioned himself above her. He looked down at her and asked her “Cassandra, will you let me be inside you?” In an almost heartbreaking whisper. 

“Please” she said. “I want you there.”

He entered her gently, allowing her body time to adjust to his unexpected size and girth. When he felt his thighs against her ass he rocked into her, pulling out just a little before pushing in again. 

He leaned over to kiss her breasts and take a dark nipple in his mouth. She moaned and ran her hands through the red curls that had come loose from his ponytail. He sucked at one breasts, then the other, all the while making shallow thrusts into her body. 

“You can… Be harder” she said and he groaned. He pulled back and thrust hard into her. The again. Each time pulling almost out before slamming back into her. 

They were moving together now, her legs wrapped around his body and his hands braced on the bed. He felt her move to touch herself and reached to caress her arm in reassurance. Making sure she knew he wanted her to do it, wanted her to pleasure herself while he fucked her. 

Cassandra rubbed circles around her clit while Varric pounded his cock into her again and again. She felt the climax coming and began giving little breathy pants as she pressed herself harder. He could hear her closing in on her release and didn't hold himself back anymore. His thrusts became rhythmic and urgent and at last he felt himself peaking. 

“Cassandra, oh Fuck, can I come inside you?” He begged her. 

“Yes” she moaned as her own peak was reached and he thrust into her a few more times. His breath leaving his body in a low whine as he filled her. 

“Holy Shit” said Varric as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Says the poet.” Cassandra teased. 

Varric moved out of her and up a bit on the bed  leaning on one elbow and looking down on the beautiful woman he had just made love to. 

“I want to ask you something, and I know it's going to be weird, because you're you and I'm me and everyone out there is… Well gossipy as fuck. But. Will you stay with me tonight?” Varric asked.  “I want to do that again In the morning. And maybe once in between.”

Cassandra smiled and said “I will not stop you, but I will have to leave early. I can not go to the morning training without my armor.”

“I will wake you with the sun, My Lady.” 

“Ugh! Don't say that. You sound like Blackwall” Cassandra made a disgusted face and rolled off the bed. 

“I promise I won't do it again!” Varric laughed and watched the buck naked woman cross the room to the fire. She leaned down and lifted the manuscript she had dropped from the carpet. The sight of her bending over made Varric's cock twitch just a bit. 

She came back with the book and the two glasses of half finished wine. “Do you want your wine?” Cassandra asked.

“Nah. Gonna get some beauty sleep before I wake you for round two.” He said and got under the covers. 

She pulled up a blanket over them and curled against the luxurious pillows. An arm curved round her waist and she leaned into the warmth of the body beside her and began to read. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta reader @GirlNamedJack is amazing, and my best friend, and I adore them. Thank You again for reading my stuff and making me look less worthless at punctuation!


	5. The Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inevitable struggle between duty and desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead.. warning to all shippers.
> 
> And some sad smut.

They had been sleeping together for months now.  Varric wouldn’t call it dating, or courting, or anything else really, because it wasn’t.  Those things happened in public. What they had been doing was a secret to the majority of Skyhold, and Cassandra seemed determined to keep it that way.  He wasn’t.  He had suggested dinner at the tavern a few times, but somehow it had turned into dinner in his room. Or more often, after dinner drinks. Or not even the drinks.

He wasn’t sure why it bothered him.  He had a beautiful woman in his bed more nights than not.  She was open and loving and generous with her body. She was kind. But she was also, something else.  
  
“Ashamed.” Varric said under his breath, and turned red from embarrassment, or anger, or both.

He could see her now, across the courtyard, talking to Bull and the Inquisitor.  He thought about heading over there and taking her arm. Showing everyone that she was HIS, that he KNEW her, but he wouldn’t.  He wouldn’t risk the pulling away, the possibility of not having her again, warm and full of desire in his arms.  He was a coward.  
  
So what the hell.  If this was all she had to give, he could take it. The sex, the secret looks, all of it.  He would take it, and enjoy it for what it was, for as long as it lasted. Because that was his only choice.  
  
“Brooding doesn’t suit your face Dwarfy.” Sera popped around the corner and poked him with a stick.

Varric flinched dramatically. “You got me Buttercup.  What’s new?”  
  
Sera smiled smugly “That problem you had down the Bannorn? Fixed it.”

Varric put his hand over his heart and widened his eyes. “Now why would you think I had concerns out that way?”

Sera snorted “I’m still better at having chatty friends. Anyway, your caravan got away.”

“Hypothetically, how many people did that cost?”

“One angry cook and a side of bad pork. The shits stop a search as well as anything. Not every plan needs days and ropes and stuff.”  
  
“Ha. Yeah I bet.” Varric smiled.  
  
“So why the face. I mean, it's your face, but… dwarfier, yeah?” Sera hopped up on the stone wall where Varric was leaning and eyed him.

“I'm not sure how to take that, but... whatever... I'm fine. Nothing is bothering me.” He lied.

“Psh. It's lady problems.” Sera waggled her legs at him.

“Watch where you swing those. What makes you think I have lady problems?” Varric held an arm up to defend himself from her feet.

“Because it is, right? Like, you have all these stories about people doing things with their nasty bits, and those are great so keep doing that, but you're never in ’em. You don't get to play chase the noodle because YOUR nasty bits come with a big old feeling attached.” Sera scratched behind her knee.

“Where did you get all that? Cole?” Varric was looking at her in shock.

“What! Not even. Creepy.” Sera hopped off the wall and punched Varric in the arm.

Varric watched Sera wandered off towards the Herald's Rest, still a bit dazed by how she had summed him up. Either he was the most pathetic, transparent loser in Thedas, or she was more perceptive than he had given her credit for. Maybe both.

“Well…. Shit.” He muttered as he headed back inside the main hall to finish his paperwork for the day.

At his desk he pulled a sheet of paper from the pile.  The poems came more easily now. Like water from an Orlesian faucet.

 

Breaking  
  
You hurt me  
and I want to hurt you back  
with words that would rake you  
but I can only say  
  
stay.  
  
You press against the bruise  
you left last night  
with your sweet hands  
your soft lips  
and I can only  
press back.  
  
I never have known  
such breaking  
such powerless love  
in the face of you  
who can’t know  
how I suffer.  
  
Can not see  
how it ends me  
again and again in your arms  
and in the dark after you leave.  


  
  
He dropped his pen and sighed.  There was nothing he could do.  Not yet.

 

* * *

 

She was there when he returned to his room that night. The fire had been lit and the room was warm.  She was stretched out on his bed wearing only one of his silk tunics.

Varric set down the papers he was carrying and looked at her. Her skin glowed in the light of the fire. He walked to the side of the bed and their eyes locked. He reached out one hand and, starting at her ankle, ran it slowly up to her knee.  
  
“What are you doing?” Varric asked. His voice low and husky.

Cassandra only smiled and uncrossed her legs.

“You're killing me.”

What Varric said sounded almost true to Cassandra. She reached out and began to untie his sash.  

Varric helped her remove his shirt, then stepped back to look at all of her while he removed his boots and his pants.  

When he was wearing only the short silk trousers he wore beneath his clothes, he climbed onto the bed beside her.  He lowered his head to her breasts and buried his face between them.  He kissed her skin, breathed the smell of her and sighed.  

“I could live here. I could live between your breasts. Would you carry me here above your heart?” Varric asked.

Cassandra reached for his face and pulled him to her for a kiss.  He pushed her back against the bed with his lips and moved his hands down her body.  She pushed up against him, her hands running up his back, lightly scratching his pale skin with her nails.  

Varric knew he should make it last. He should pleasure her slowly and wait until she was begging him to take her, but he couldn’t.  He pulled his cock from his shorts and pressed the tip against her warm moist opening.  She yielded to him and his flesh parted hers slowly, until they were as close as they could be.

He pulled out and then pushed back into her. Cassandra bent her knees and curled her body against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders.  

The muscles in his arms were hard as he held himself above her. He pressed his forehead against hers and began to move inside her faster.

“You can hide me here. No one will know.  You can hide it from them Cassandra, but I’ll know. I will know the center of you. I know you. I know you Cassandra.” He panted the words as he pounded into her.

She didn’t speak, but reaching down between them and pressed her fingers to herself, she began to breathe harder.  

“Should I wait for you? Should I wait for you to come? I won’t wait forever. I can’t. Come Cassandra. Come for me. Please. Please.” He begged.

Varric felt her tighten around him, her legs pulling him hard into her as she came.  

He tipped over the edge then, thrusting as best he could with her legs holding him inside her, then pressing hard into her as he shook with his release.

As the tide receded he thought about what he had just said, and couldn’t look her in the eyes.  He felt her hands on his back, gentle now, and he kissed her shoulders.

“Go to sleep,” she said, and moved out from beneath him. “I have to go.”

“Don’t.” Varric said.

“I must.” Cassandra dressed quickly, then leaned over the bed where he still lay, watching her with half sad, half angry eyes. “I will see you tomorrow.” She said and kissed him.

Varric was the silent one now, but he smiled a tight smile at her before she turned and walked out of his room.

After she closed the door he mouthed the words “I love you” to the empty room.  Then he rolled over and slept.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Cassandra wasn’t sure what she was doing with Varric.  Not what they did together, that was obvious enough, but what SHE was doing.  With a dwarf from the Free Marches? With a rogue author of bawdy trash tales? Sitting on her bench in the practice area, sharpening a sword, she had been trying to imagine what her brother would say if he were alive.  What Divine Justinia would have though.

But all that was speculation, and was nothing compared to her own concerns  about her duty to the Inquisition.

The Inquisitor had become to her like the leader of her order, righteous and knowing, though he was still childlike in many ways.  She saw in him the truth and light she had lost when she had left the Seekers.  His faith was boundless.  His belief in their cause noble and unswerving.  
  
She was sure he would disapprove of her relationship with Varric.  It drew her away from the Maker, from their cause, and from the side of the man who was the center of it all, the chosen Herald of Andraste. How could she dedicate herself to the inquisition while she was wrapped in this euphoria, this overwhelming desire?  
  
It had all become clear on a recent expedition to The Exalted Plains. They had been clearing the ramparts established by their troops.  A horde of undead soldiers had risen. The corpses of their own dead filled the trenches with a deadly moaning mass.  It had been close fighting in the confined space, and dangerous.  

The Inquisitor and Varric had been behind her, shooting and casting past The Iron Bull who was in front smashing through the line of skeletal infantry.  She had heard a cry, and looking back saw a mass of undead rising from a pile of bodies behind them.

The Inquisitor and Varric had turned and begun to fight them off, but they were not armed for melee combat, and they were overwhelmed.  Cassandra had run to them, no… not to them... she had run to him, to Varric, and smashing bones with her mace laid a path through which he could retreat.  

The Inquisitor had held his own, blasting his attackers with a ring of fire, but she was still ashamed.  She SHOULD have gone to the Inquisitor first.  She should have done her duty. The Inquisitor had not been angry, he had praised her for her quick reaction in the defence of their comrade.  But she knew he had seen everything, though he may not have known what exactly it had meant.  
  
Later that night she had snuck from her tent, ready to tell Varric they must end their relationship.  But he had smiled at her, and opened his arms when she entered his tent, and she had gone to him with that sweet abandonment of all reason she always felt in his presence.  

She was in love with him, or part of her was, and she wished to Andraste and The Maker himself that she could cut that part of her out with a blade.

Because she knew it would end. Soon.  

The pain of a wound would be more welcome than the pain she would feel when she told him it was over. Like the looks he gave her when she left him in the evenings. Those sad eyes, and the anger burning behind them. Anger never at her, but at himself, or fate, or The Maker....

A tear dropped down Cassandra's cheek.  She wiped it quickly away. She was a warrior, a Seeker of Truth; she could bear it.  She would have to bear it soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to make it up to you guys with the next chapter...


	6. Not Going Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Cassandra have the argument they have both been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of cursing in this one. Varric has a potty mouth...

Varric leaned against the trunk of one of the huge trees that were spreading their branches above the stone monuments the inquisitor was inspecting.  He wasn't concerned about the name of the long dead elf who was either buried there, or had become a tree or something, but he WAS concerned that this place was crawling with giants.

They had fought two of them already this morning. He ached in ten different places from being whacked across the glade by the ugliest of them. 

“How many of these things are you planning to read my Lord.” Asked Blackwall as the inquisitor finished deciphering the text, and mumbling under his breath began walking to the next stone. 

“All of them Thom.” The inquisitor replied. “I need to know everything I can. We don't know what may be essential knowledge later on.” He bent again to read the bottom of a tall stone that was leaning away from the base of the tree. 

Blackwall walked over to Varric’s side. “You see the giant to the east too right?” He said. 

“Yup. I see it.” Varric replied without taking his eyes off the huge lumbering form in the distance.  

“I really don't want to fight another giant today.” The former Grey Warden looked resigned but sad, which wasn’t really much different than the way he usually looked.  

“Maybe the Seeker will talk some sense into him.” Varric said. Cassandra had just returned from her short scout in the surrounding area, and was headed towards the Inquisitor. 

The inquisitor smiled warmly at Cassandra and Varric could see the relaxing of his shoulders at her approach. It was as if her closeness reassured him and made him relax. 

Varric felt a stir of something hard in him. What the hell was wrong with him? Jealousy now? First poetry and now jealousy. Great! He was becoming one of  _ those _ guys.  He did NOT want to be one of  _ those _ guys.  

“Inquisitor, there are many more giants in the area. I suggest we return to camp and send word to Commander Cullen. He could dispatch a small force of men to deal with them and then we can collect the information from these artifacts in relative safety. Perhaps he could also send Solas with the men. I know you have been wishing he was here to assist with the translations.” Cassandra said. 

The Inquisitor sighed and said, “You're right of course Cassandra. I will take your advice and return to the last camp. But I would like to gather some of the herbs we have passed. We are short on a few necessities.” 

“I will collect them. You return with Ranier and Varric. The sooner you send the raven to Skyhold the better.” She said.

Varric stepped forward and spoke. “Can I suggest that the Seeker NOT stay out in the giant infested wilderness alone?” 

“Of course not. You stay with her Varric. You can watch out for her better than anyone.” The inquisitor said the words with an unreadable expression on his face. 

Blackwall and The Inquisitor headed back in the direction of the last camp while Cassandra began collecting the flowers of an embrium bush that grew around the tree trunks. 

“What did he mean by that, do you think?” Varric said. “Do you think that he knows about us? I mean, with Dorian in the know it was sure to get around eventually. I'm surprised it hasn't come out yet.”

Cassandra stood and looked at him. “I made Dorian swear an oath.” She said. 

“Are you that fucking worried that people will know you're with me?” The words spilled out of Varric's mouth before he could think.  

Cassandra looked as if one of the Giants had smacked her. “What do you mean?” 

Well, he was in it now, might as well get it all out there.  “Come on Seeker, you know it's not the first time a woman has wanted to deny her relationship with a man who isn’t up to her standards.”  He couldn't quite look at her as he spoke, so he adjusted a few settings on His cross bow. 

“You think I am ashamed of you?” Cassandra walked over to him, her voice raising. 

“Hey, maybe this isn't the place to have this chat, you know, with the roving bands of fucking giants.” Varric said. 

“I'm not ashamed of you Varric. I am ashamed of myself.” Cassandra continued, oblivious to the danger now. 

“Why?” Varric asked, facing her now, his own anger apparent. “Because you lowered yourself to my level?” 

“Stop it. No. Why would you say that? Do you think so little of me?” Cassandra was upset now. “I do not hide our relationship from all of Skyhold because of you. I hide it because I fear I can not do my duty AND be in love with you.”

The air seemed to be sucked out of the space between them, and her angry words, ending in something he had longed to hear from her, both stung and caressed him at the same time.

“You love me?” Varric asked. 

“Has that not been clear to you?” Cassandra was still yelling.

“No. It has not. It still isn't. What makes you think I would guess that?”  Varric responded in the same raised voice.

Cassandra stood and waved her arms.”I have been in your bed every night for almost 3 months Varric. We have done...things… What kind of woman would do that if she did not love her partner?“

“Half the women in Kirkwall Seeker!” Varric was shouting now. 

They both realized then that this REALLY wasn't the place to scream at each other. They were drawing the attention of a few brontos, and it wouldn't be long until a giant showed up. 

“Come with me.” Cassandra said, and lead the way to a dilapidated structure they had passed on their way. It was off the path and tucked safely between some giant roots. 

Someone had been camping there and the inquisitor had found some letters and a book beside an old bed roll and a now empty chest. 

Cassandra sat on the chest and looked at Varric, She had calmed down during their walk. “I love you. I'm sorry if it was not clear before.” She said. 

“Shit. Cassandra.” Varric couldn't find words and instead took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply.

She melted against him, arms working their way inside his coat to feel the silk of his shirt and the warmth of his body. 

“But. Why don't we just… tell people?” Varric asked. His forehead pressed to hers. 

“You have to see. If I was stronger I would not be here. I would not love you and not... want you. You are my weakness Varric and if I were strong I would end it. I can not be the woman I need to be for him while I am with you.” 

Varric felt the jealousy return and he stepped back. “For The Inquisitor? You are worried about not being the pure and holy vessel he thinks you are? You're worried he will think you aren't dedicated to his cause?” He spat.

“Our cause, Varric. Or have you been with us for some other reason?” Cassandra snapped back. 

“Your cause is different than mine Seeker. I want the world saved and all that shit, but I'm not involved with his holiness's crusade of chantry restoration. He can do whatever he wants with his power, but it's not my bag, and you and he both know that.” Varric snapped back. 

“But you believe in the Maker. You have told me your Mother was devout.” Cassandra clung to the threads of his faith as a connection she could not allow him to break. Her voice, now low, sounded scared and desperate. 

Varric sighed. “Of course I do. Yeah. But I'm not a holy warrior Cass. I'm an author and a businessman.”

He moved back to her, and she leaned her head against his shoulders as he put his arms around her.

“So where does this leave us?” She asked. 

“I believe we have had our first fight.” Varric said. The laughter returning to his voice. 

“It's not finished.” Cassandra said. 

“It is for now. We aren't going to get around this in one shot, but I’m not going anywhere. It's enough to know you love me, or have you changed your mind?” Varric looked down into her dark eyes. 

“No. I still love you.” She said seriously. 

Varric leaned over her and pressed his lips to hers. Sweetly and gently he kissed her until her arms circled his neck and she pushed her tongue against his lips. Then the kisses became less sweet and more passionate. His hands went to her face and he swore under his breath. 

“God damn breastplate. You couldn't wear leather?”

“How could I defend you from giants then, my love” she smiled at him. 

Varric stopped breathing for a moment. “Oh Maker. Say that again.”

“My love” she whispered in his ear and he couldn't bear it. 

“Can you get out of this tin can please?” Varric was begging now. 

Cassandra stood and unbuckled her armor. In a few minutes she was stripped to her breeches and light shirt, as she had been in the tower the first time they had touched. 

“You are so unbearably beautiful Cassandra. I am so in love with you.” Varric’s normal joking tone was gone and Cassandra looked at him. 

“We agree to love each other now then, whatever comes next?” She said. 

“Oh I am very much going to love you right now, so please come her and lie down.” He said and she obeyed willingly. 

Settled on the bed roll they kissed. Stroking each others bodies, hands under loose fabric, touching in all the places they knew would make the other moan and sigh beside them.

His hand was inside her breeches now and hers had curled into his hair. She pressed into his palm as he fingered her, knowing just how much pressure to bring to her sensitive nub and when to insert a second, then a third finger into her. 

His cock was rock hard against her leg and when she rubbed against it he thrust against the pressure. She felt herself half crazy from the pure pleasure of him. His body, his hands, him.

“Oh my love. My love”. She sighed the words into his ear and he moaned. 

He sat up and removed her breeches in one quick tug. The dove into the center of her with his mouth. It wasn't long before she was crying out beneath him, pressing herself against his face and coming hard. 

“May I fuck you now. Love of my heart. Dearest Cassandra. Please may I fuck you?” He asked. A smile on his face but an eagerness in his eyes she knew was very serious. She only nodded. 

Varric rose up and with his hand on his cock guided himself into her. He pushed in easily. She was so wet. She loved him. He was inside her, and she had wrapped herself around him, and she loved him. 

He rocked into her. Pulsing solid thrusts in and out while she met every movement with her raised hips. He felt surges of pleasure but not the peak. He was unsure why, but he couldn't quite get there. 

“You can come.” Cassandra breathed into his ear. 

_ No. I can't. _ He thought but only pushed harder into her with his next thrust.  _ What the hell. _

“What's wrong?” Cassandra asked. 

“I can't seem to… Shit. I don't know.”

He expected her to be upset. But instead she only crawled away from him, and with her arms under her head, leaned over the old chest. 

He felt a surge in his balls. Moving up behind her he found her opening again and pushed inside. 

Yes. This was what he needed. With one hand on her hip and the other on her shoulder he drove into her. She moaned and pushed back against him, meeting his body with hers as he stroked her breasts and ran his rough hands along her flanks.

“Harder..” Her voice was rough and low, but he heard her, and he didn’t hesitate to do what she asked.

“Fuck. Yes. Oh Maker Cassandra. Yes” he pushed against her one last time as he came, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her against him. As he felt the peak subside, he reached for the chest and used his arms to keep from collapsing on top of her. 

“Did I hurt you?” Varric asked when he had caught his breath and moved to sit on the ground.

“No, though you were quite... vigorous.” Cassandra stood, and began to retrieve her clothing.   
  
“Yeah. Well…. “ Varric wasn’t quite up to dressing yet. 

“I’m not sure I can stand.” He said.

Cassandra laughed and took his hands to help him up.  They both dressed and after collecting a few more herbs, they headed back to camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, Please, Please tell me what you think!!! 
> 
> I edited this one until my eyes were bleeding.. but I think it was worth it. Yeah?


	7. His Will Be Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor has strong opinions about Cassandra and Varric's relationship.

Inquisitor Travelyan had no reason to lie to his Spymaster, but for some reason he had.

He had asked Leliana if there was something between the Seeker and Varric Tethras. She had answered him honestly as always. Then she asked if he was concerned about Cassandra and Varric’s relationship.

He had said he wasn’t concerned. But he was.

The truth was that he had expected more of Cassandra.  He had wished for her to be his Right Hand, as she had been to the Divine.  A celibate, warrior priestess who would always be available to him for counsel and...companionship. He didn’t think she would be tempted away from the cause they BOTH believed in by any man.

Well it wasn’t a man. It was a Dwarf rogue with a silver tongue.  How had he done it?  He wasn’t handsome, really.  He wasn’t well born, or wealthy in the ways the made up for low birth.

Travelyan sighed petulantly.  If she wasn’t who he thought she was, then perhaps he was better off NOT relying on her counsel so much.  

But what if she was being tricked?  Taken advantage of even?  What if this liaison was nothing but a mistake she longed to be rid of so she could pursue her true calling?

He had to know, but the idea of summoning her and asking her what she was doing sleeping with Varric was ridiculous.  He couldn’t very well treat her like a naughty child who had chosen an unworthy game to play, as much as it seemed to him that she had.  
Maybe she just needed distance from whatever charm Varric held over her.  Maybe she would forget the dwarf if he wasn’t right there.

Tomorrow they would leave for Emprise du Lion.  He had planned to take Blackwall, Sera and Cole, but instead he would take Varric and leave Sera to plague the castle while he was away.

“Maker guide me in this, as you do in all things.” Travelyan prayed.

He knew he would do what was right.  It was not his choice.  Andraste would move through him as she had since the Conclave, and it would be HER will that was done.

  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------

  
  


Varric slung Bianca over his shoulder and continued trudging through the snowy hills of Emprise du Lion.  He was cold.  He was tired.  He was pissed off, and he missed Cassandra.  She would have made this bearable, but no such luck.  He was stuck in the freezing fucking cold with only Blackwall, Cole and the Inquisitor to keep him company. 

Why does air even come in different temperatures?  
He looked up to see Cole close in front of him. “How are you holding up, Kid? You've been quiet for a while.”

“My shoelaces keep coming untied.” The spirit said and looked at him with an immeasurably sad expression.

Varric smiled. “You're doing fine.”

Cole did not look convinced. “Can you talk to them? They don't listen to me.” He said.

Varric’s face fell. “Maybe not so fine... Don't talk to them, Kid. Just tie them in knots.”  
  
Cole stopped to tie the obstinate laces again, pointedly NOT talking to them.

Varric wasn’t sure Cole was human enough to know if he was freezing to death, but at least if he did he would care. The other two were so wrapped up in the mission he wasn’t sure they would notice he was gone until something attacked and they couldn’t see arrows flying over their heads.

The only good part of this whole expedition was that he had been able to destroy several large deposits of Red Lyrium.  It was fulfilling in a way he couldn't describe, to see those crystals shatter and become nothing but dust and shards that could hurt nothing and no one any more.

“This looks like a good place to camp.”  He heard Blackwall say ahead.

They began to unload the tents and supplies from the two pack elk.  The animals shook the weight from themselves and rolled on the snow like huge antlered dogs.  Varric stayed well away from their flailing hooves, but admired their ability to enjoy the small comfort of no longer traveling.

He shook his own pack off then,and unhooked Bianca from his back.  Time to make a fire and warm up, thank The Maker.

Once he had a fire going and his stocking feet propped on a stone steaming in the heat, Varric began to feel better.  He watched as the Inquisitor made tea. Travelyan had become a “tea person”.  Not that Varric didn’t enjoy a cup from time to time, but he didn’t go into it like Travelyan was doing.  It had started with collecting every herb they passed, then he started mixing “special blends” for every ailment he could find. The garden at Skyhold now had pots of herbs growing among the vines and trees.

Varric pulled his notebook from his satchel and flipped to an empty page.  They had made camp early most nights, since the sun went down and the air became unbearably cold.  It had given him allot of time to write.  

He had worked on several chapters of Hard in Hightown II in preparation for a life after the Inquisition.  He wasn’t infinitely wealthy after all, and the royalties from a best seller were not insignificant income.  He had also written a new Swords and Shields to keep in his pocket in case he needed to win an argument with Cassandra.

Tonight though, he felt like writing a letter, and he knew better than to try to work against his instincts.

 

  
_Dear Cass,_

_Do you mind me calling you that?  I know, I can’t stop it with the nicknames and pet names. Someone once asked me why and I am fairly sure I didn’t answer, but I’ll tell you._ _  
_ _The people I don’t like, I use a nickname so I don’t have to use their real one. Names are power and I won't give it to them._

_The people I do like… that’s harder.. maybe I don’t want to get too close.  Maybe I want them to feel comfortable with me right away._

_Do you want to know why I call you what I do?  Well I’m gonna tell you anyway, so...  I used “Seeker” to make YOU your job.  It was a dig.  You weren’t a real person, just an action._

_Then it became something else. You were the Seeker, and I respected that and it became a name that meant something to me and came with respect and friendship._

_When did you become Cassandra?_

_When did I fall in love with you? Maker take me... I don’t know.  It happened so slowly._   
_Wait.. It may have been this one time you bent down to pick something up when I was walking behind you.. Yeah… that was probably it.._

_You're huffing at me now.  Damn it to hell, I wish I was there so you could punch me in the arm._

_I miss you.  I love you so goddamn much it is like I’m only half myself without you.  And thinking of you, well thinking of you makes all of me hot.  And it’s fucking cold here, so take that as a compliment._

_OK, so why do I want to call you Cass now?_

_Because I want to be the only one to do it._

_It’s childish and possessive and I admit that, but I don’t care.  I want a part of you to be just for me._

_Outside of my bed that is… there I know you are ALL just for me._

_Don’t worry!  I will still call you Seeker at the tavern, and on the road. I know we are still hiding things, and I’m not ready to have that fight again yet._

_But indulge me when I return.  Let me call you Cass when I rub your shoulders at night. Let me call you Cass when we're sitting by the fire in my room. Let me call you Cass when I tell you your feet are freezing._

_I will let you imagine when I will use your whole name... I think you can._

_I’ll end this letter now, because I’m about to get kind of dirty and I don’t want Red to feint when she reads this._

_With all my Love,_

_Varric_

  
  
He folded the note and reached into his bag for his wax and seal.  As he was melting the wax the Inquisitor approached with his steaming mug of hot water and leaves.  
“You have letters Varric?” Travelyan asked.

“Uh.. just one.” Varric wasn’t sure why the inquisitor would ask such an obvious question.

“Would you like me to include it in the reports I am sending back to Skyhold? They can forward it to it’s recipient there.” Travelyan's face was expressionless.

“Yeah.. I guess.  I am just going to add something. I forgot to… um.  I will be done in a minute.”  Varric scrambled, trying to figure out how to NOT address the letter to Cassandra and still have it get to her.

It will have to go to Leliana.  He had been making a joke, but now she really probably WOULD be reading it.  

Varric quickly addressed the letter to Leliana, and enclosed a short note inside.  

 

  
_Red._

_Give this to the Seeker.  Don’t read it or she’ll kill me._

_V._   
  


He stood up and walked over to the inquisitor, who was handing bits of meat to a large black raven.  
  
“Thanks Inquisitor.  I appreciate it.  It’s going to Red, she will get the rest where it needs to go.”   
  
“That’s good then.  Glad I could help.” The inquisitor took the note and pushed it inside of the tube he would soon tie to the bird's leg.

Varric stood awkwardly for a few seconds, then headed back to his place by the fire.

  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------

  


Travelyan would not have read the letter if he had had a choice. He did not. He was responsible for the souls of his companions, and he had to know what Varric was writing so he could do his duty.  It was HIS duty and he must perform it, however unpleasant the task.

So he read the letter, and wished he had not.

Varric loved her. It was no fleeting or tawdry thing that he had pursued with no thought of her honor or calling.  It was what most people strove for in one way or another. He strove for the love of The Maker, of Andraste.  Varric for the love of Cassandra.

It irked him.  It pinched and scratched like new cloths.  He had wanted this thing. A pure and chaste Right Hand that would help him guide the world.  And they had spoiled it. Damn them.

After reading the letter Travelyan closed it and sent it on with the reports from the next day.  They had almost completed their work in The Emprise, and would be following the raven soon.  He would need to speak to Cassandra about this.  If she returned Varric’s love.. well then that was that. He would not ignore her counsel, but he must be prepared for the future, and she was not to be a part of it.    
  
But if she was unsure… well, it would be as The Maker willed.

  


\--------------------------------------

  


Cassandra was in Cullen's office when the trumpet sounded heralding the return of the Inquisitor and his party.  She and the commander headed down immediately, knowing Travelyan would be eager for news from the agents and troops they had scattered over Thedas.

Cassandra felt entirely too much excitement at the return of her lover.  She was flushed and smiling in a most embarrassing way. Cullen had looked at her and smirked, fighting to restrain a laugh at her attempt to not run down the staircase.

In the courtyard they were unhitching the elk.  The inquisitor was talking with Leliana and she was not smiling.  Something had happened, Cassandra thought.  Something that made the bard look more anxious than usual.

The Inquisitor saw Cassandra and beckoned her over. “Seeker Pentaghast, I would like to speak with you. At third bell please, in my quarters.”

“Of course Inquisitor.” Cassandra said and Travelyan nodded before heading inside..

“Cassandra.” Whispered Lelaina. “We need to talk.”  
  
Cassandra did not like the sound of Leliana's voice.  She rarely felt fearful, but an angry Nightingale indicated very, very bad things. “Yes. Of course... Now?”

“Now. follow me in a few minutes. Try not to make it obvious, if you can.” Lelaina headed towards the stairway to the kitchen.

“Cassandra stood blinking at the oddity of these two interactions, until she felt a hand on her arm.  She turned to see Varric's face smiling up at her.  She couldn’t help grinning at him for just a moment before she said “You have returned again Dwarf?”  
  
“What can I say. I had to make sure you all didn’t get too bored without me.”

“Your stories were missed.” _You were missed. I missed you so much._ The words hung in her mouth.

“Aww!  I’ve grown on you!” Varric teased.

“Like fungus.” Cassandra tried to control the laughter that was bubbling up at the banter they had so often indulged in.

She looked to see if anyone was observing them, and seeing that most of the courtyard was busy with their assigned tasks, she reached out a quick hand and stroked his arm.

“I have to go. Lelaina is waiting for me.” She said quietly.

“She looked pissed. What the hell is going on?” Varric asked, serious now and concerned.

“I don’t know.” Cassandra reluctantly began to step away.

“Will I see you tonight?” Varric’s eyes shone with suggestion.

“Yes.” Was all she could say before tearing herself away to follow Leliana.

  


\-------------------------------------------------

  
  
Leliana was waiting for Cassandra at the top of the stairs to the raven loft.

“Leliana, I….” Cassandra started.

“Are you in love with Varric?” Leliana’s subtlety was legendary, but apparently was not always used.

“What..” Cassandra stood shocked.

“Cassandra, I must know.  Are you in love with Varric Tethras. Please answer my question my friend.”

Lelaina was so serious that Cassandra could do nothing but reply.

“Yes.  I am... but…..”

Lelaina cut her off again. “Good. Then you must tell the inquisitor that. You must.  Do not try to hide it. You can not lie. If you do you will do irreparable harm to the Inquisition.”

“The Inquisition? What?” Everything seemed to be moving too fast for Cassandra.  She wasn’t sure what she was being told.

“Travelyan will ask you this afternoon if you are in love with Varric. He knows the Dwarf’s feelings.  He read the letter you received a few days ago.” Lelaina said.

“He did what?” Cassandra was shocked and beginning to feel anger bubbling up inside her.

“He did.  His concern is for your soul, and for the future of the inquisition.  He thinks he is honorable, but he is misguided and unstable.  You must be honest with him Cassandra, or he will send Varric away.”

Cassandra was truly angry now. “This is… shocking.” She said.

“We need you Cassandra.  We need your influence and your strength.  We can not afford for him to drive you from his side by driving Varric from yours.  We need you both.  The Inquisition needs you both.”  Leliana stood before her, serious and stern.

“I understand Lelaina.  I will tell him the truth.  But perhaps you are wrong in a way…” Cassandra dropped her eyes to the floor.

“What way Cassandra?  Am I wrong to believe that your feeling for Varric makes you happy?” Leliana asked.

“No. But it makes me weak.  It makes me so very, very weak Leliana.”

“It does. You are right and I will not argue that. But your weakness will not destroy the Inquisition.  The loss of your strength and guidance would.” Leliana closed her eyes and her face grew sad. “Trust me my friend, you will be lost.  Either to a terrible sadness or to a worse fanaticism if you deny your love for him and he is forced to leave you.”

“I understand.”  Cassandra took her friend's hand and squeezed it. “Thank You my friend.”

“It is nearly 3rd bell.  You should go.”  Leliana had never been comfortable with thanks.

Cassandra nodded and headed back down the stairs to meet with The Inquisitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my latest playthrough has been... fun... I have been going "total religious fanatic" with my Inquisitor.  
> He's a bit intense..


	8. Reconciled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra tells Varric about her meeting with the Inquisitor and an Adamant tableau.

Cassandra knocked softly on Varric's door, and heard the sound of his footfalls as he crossed the room. She took a last breath of garden air before the door opened and he was there, his arm reaching around her waist to pull her inside.  

“You took your time.” Varric said, and pulled her down for a kiss. 

Cassandra pulled back and Varric dropped his hands from her immediately.

“What’s wrong.” He asked, then looked at her face.  It was white. Her eyes pulled together and worry clearly etched across her wrinkled brow.

“Seeker?” He said.

“No!” Cassandra almost shouted. “Not that. Do not call me that again, not now.” She said.

Varric felt relief flood him. “What’s wrong then. What’s going on.” He reached out to her again. She stepped back and his moment of reprieve ended.  “What?”

“I just spoke with the Inquisitor.” Cassandra began. Then stopped.  She had no idea how to tell him what had happened in Travelyan's quarters.

“So? What’s wrong?” Varric began to step closer to her and she moved away again, heading to the couch before the fire where she sat stiffly in one corner.

“I’m not chasing you across the room Cassandra.  If you don’t want me to touch you, that’s fine, but you have to tell me why.” Varric was getting frustrated.  He sat down on a chair facing her and leaned his elbows on his knees.

“I am trying.” Cassandra said.

“You are doing a piss poor job of it.” Varric snapped.

“I don’t know how to say it!” Cassandra raised her voice back.

“Well it’s not going to get easier when I leave to go drink myself stupid at the tavern, so please just tell me.” Varric returned her tone.

“The Inquisitor knows about us. He has been spying.  He read your letter. He asked me... ordered me… to tell him whether or not I am in love with you.”

“What? That little shit!” Varric shouted.

“Varric! Don’t… He is…misguided.  He does not understand.” Cassandra said.

“What right does he have!?  What business is it off his… What did you tell him?”

“I told him the truth.” Cassandra met his eyes for the first time.

“You did. Great.The truth is still that you...?” Varric was still unsure, and though he was standing, he made no move to go to her.

Cassandra relaxed a little and said “The truth has not changed since you were away.  I told him that I do love you.”

Varric walked slowly over to the couch and sat on the other side, not reaching for her.  “What did he say?” 

“He said he was disappointed. That he had through my dedication to the cause would keep me from such frivolous things, but that he knew that you return my affection so he assumes it is now unavoidable.”

“Little shit...” Varric said it under his breath, just low enough for Cassandra to pretend to ignore it.

“He told me he expects us to get married.” Cassandra said.

“What!?” Varric jumped off the couch and his eyes were wide.

Cassandra’s eyes dropped to her hands in her lap “To ‘maintain the moral authority of the Inquisition.’  He said that he feared you would not agree. That you were not a moral person. I think he expects that you will run back to Kirkwall, and I will fall back into my ‘rightful place’ in grateful despair.” Her face was full of sadness.

Varric looked at her and sighed. “We have been seeing each other for less than 5 months. We haven’t even told anyone! I’m not sure how they do things in Navarra, but where I’m from you don’t just jump into marriage. Not if you have the choice anyway.”   
  
“No one in my family ever had much of a choice.” Cassandra said quietly.   
  
“I’m not going to propose because he told me to!” Varric was still hot with anger and began to pace the room.  “What the hell.. Seriously, who does he... is he insane?”

“I am not sure.  Tonight… he said things...“ Cassandra sighed and suddenly Varric realized she was dealing with much more than the anger he was feeling.  She was facing the possibility that she had been mistaken in the leader of her hard won Inquisition.  She was facing the deterioration of an ideal she had held, and coming to grips with how uncertain the foundation for her hopes had been.

“I’m not running away to Kirkwall.” Varric said.  His voice was calmer now.

“I’m glad.”

“I’m not going to propose though.”

“I didn’t expect you to.”

“Ok then.”

Cassandra looked up at him then and her eyes were wet.  “I have been mistaken.  I should not have… I have failed yet again.”

Varric crossed the room to her and reached for her hands. “Hey there, don’t. You are not the one who should feel like an asshole here, he is.”

“Don’t say that.  I know you are right in a way, but he is still the leader of this movement. We need him to finish this, to defeat Corypheus and close the breach.  It is essential we continue as we did before. We must keep him... moving forward.”

“What did he do tonight?” Varric asked.  He knew it must have been more than his being a petulant man-boy who didn’t like the fact that his favorite advisor was sleeping with a dwarf.

“He is… all that I thought he was. Devout. Dedicated... But also something more.  He is.. he thinks he has the will of The Maker behind him. That Andraste speaks through him and he does her will in all things.”

“He thinks he is the Divine?” Varric asked.

“No.” Cassandra corrected him. “The Devine can not be a fanatic. She can not be so wrapped up in her own faith that she can no longer take the counsel of the men and women who advise her.  The Divine is human and remains so. Varric… I fear our Inquisitor thinks he is becoming a God.”

Varric held her hands and looked at her, saying nothing.  What could he say?  The last few months had been insanity. So many impossible things had happened that he had lost count, and he had seen allot of impossible shit in his time. 

“I am tired.” Cassandra sighed. 

“Of course. You should go get some rest.” Varric said. 

“I am not going anywhere.” Cassandra looked up into his face.  She was not smiling, and her eyes were slightly red and very sad, but he had never seen her so beautiful.

“You want to stay?” Varric asked.

“I have always wanted to stay.”   
  
Cassandra did not push him away as he leaned down to kiss her.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


There wasn't much time to worry about things before Adamant. 

Of course it was horrible, though neither Varric nor Cassandra were forced to endure what The Inquisitor, Bull, Sera and Blackwall had in the Fade.  

Varric had been fighting on the battlements, covering their soldiers with crossbow fire while Cassandra fought below.  They had both been in dire peril, they had both survived.

Later, after the fighting was over, they met amidst the rubble and clasped each other's hands.  They were too worn and weary to do more than that.  Hawke had returned, Stroud had not.  Death had been all around them again. 

 

That night the companions remarked on how odd it was to all be in the field together.  Seated in a circle around a large fire, Varric looked at each of them, reading their faces and taking mental notes for the future.  He would write this story someday, as he had written Hawkes.  It was important.  Maybe too important for him to be the one to document it, but he was all they had, so he would have to be good enough.

Sitting to his left, long thin legs pulled up to her chin, Sera was nestled between the arms and legs of Scout Harding.  Varric hoped the warmth of the dwarf woman's body behind her would penetrate to the elf.  She looked cold and, if he could believe his eyes, she looked scared.  He had never seen her look afraid, and he hoped it wouldn’t last.

Next to them, Blackwall sat brooding, glancing occasionally at Sera like a concerned older brother and occasionally at Josephine like a sad puppy.  What was going on there? 

Leliana was watching Blackwall watch Josie. Huh. Getting the whole gang together really did expose some fascinating bits of information.

Cullen sat laughing with Dorian and Bull. The handsome mage flirted openly with their blushing commander, all the while leaning back against the bulk of the huge Qunari. Cullen seemed to be giving as good as he got tonight though, and Bulls face was losing the faraway look he had worn since they had emerged from the rift.  

Cullen might not be heading back to their tent with them, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be part of their evening in spite of it.

Beside them the inquisitor was seated, silent and thoughtful.  His eyes were dark and the firelight barely seemed to touch him. His face was a mask, unreadable and cold.  Varric shivered.

Solas sat beside the inquisitor, he had been lecturing Travelyn about the fade, it’s effect on the mind, and trying to help him distinguish between the truths revealed there, and the lies. Varic thought Solas seemed more disappointed that he had not been there than he was concerned for the ones who had been, but perhaps he didn’t give the elf enough credit.  

Vivien was sitting with her back held straight beside the elven apostate.  They often wrangled with each other, but tonight she had listened to him counsel the inquisitor, and now they were talking almost pleasantly with each other, or as pleasantly as they could with the subjects being Corypheus, The Grey Warden mages and blight magic.

When his eyes moved on to the next seat by the fire, they fixed on the boy spirit he had come to think of as The Kid.  Cole was looking at him, his eyes uncharacteristically direct.

"Petals fall open as lips shape words that rhyme. Candlelight softens the edges." Cole said.

Cassandra, sitting beside Varric with her hand still in his (it had hardly left) blushed and smiled.    
  
“What does he mean Cass?” Varric looked at her, and his eyes were soft as silk on her face. It made her hurt and worry pass, just for a moment.

“I was thinking of how we started.  With a poem. Then I thought of reading you poetry, in your room at Skyhold, when we return.” She blushed a deeper red and beside them Sera snorted.

“Hush.” Varric heard Harding whisper to her lover. “As if you aren’t a little jealous.”

Varric was happy.  There had been death and destruction and horror that day, but he was in love.  He had friends here, and they were whole... or they would be.  He would sleep in the arms of an amazing woman tonight, and every night for as long as she allowed it, or until the goddamn world ended.

Varric was happy, so of course it couldn't last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut OR poetry?? What? 
> 
> Let me know what you think, and as always THANK YOU FOR READING!!!


	9. Absolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric thinks he might be in trouble.. and it all comes out in the wash.

If Bianca had written to tell him she was coming, he may have been able to spin things, but she hadn’t.  If he had known she was going to walk right up to him and kiss him he would have run away, but he hadn’t.  If he had known Cassandra was behind him the whole time, he would have pushed Bianca away like she was on fire, but that was not what happened, and until he saw the woman he loved storm past them and out the great hall doors, he hadn’t really known what the hell was going on.

There had been no time to rush after her.  Bianca was insisting he help her.  She had news, and it was important, and she had to see the Inquisitor, and no matter how he tried to politely excuse himself, there was no getting away from her.

So he’d brought her to the Inquisitor and listened, feeling like he had been stuck to the floor with nails, and she’d spun a great little story for them all about the research she had been doing in the Primeval Thaig.  

He really should have been proud that she had mastered the only art he had ever taught her. She could lie to his face and he would believe it.  Maker take him, he had believed every word.  

Then he vouched for her. Told them all they could trust her, and that they should follow her to fucking Valammar.  

Of course they had to leave right away.  It was Red Lyrium, it was the source of Corypheus's  supply, it was essential they go immediately.  And Varric had to go, of course he did.  The planning took half the night and they had to leave first thing in the morning. 

When was there time for an explanation?

But he had tried.  After they had finished in the war room he had gone to Cassandra’s room above the forge.  She hadn’t been there, or the tavern, or the garden.  He had thought maybe she had gone to his room.  He had given her a key, but no, she wasn’t there, and when he sat down to think about it, and he fell asleep.

The next morning they left for the mines.  Cassandra wasn’t there to see them off.  He had begged Tiny to talk to her, told him he would do anything he asked if Bull could just convince her that he hadn’t been hiding Bianca.  That he only wanted Cassandra.  That he had no intention to ever touch Bianca again. He had begged through tired eyes for the huge Qunari to tell Cassandra that he loved her.

In the rooms and mine shafts of Valammar they searched for keys for half a day.  They also collected information, and it wasn’t long before it came out that Bianca was the leak all along. She’d given the key to the red lyrium mine to Larius.  She had unknowingly helped Corypheus and less importantly (but still damn important to him) she had made Varric look like an asshole.

The inquisitor had been furious.  He had blamed Varric, and Bianca had been sent packing with a warning not to meddle any more in the Inquisition’s business.  

In the mines Bianca had made some comments that had implied their relationship wasn’t as dead as he had assumed.  He hadn’t seen her in years, he hadn’t written to her, and her family had stopped sending assassins. He had figured that was a pretty clear indication that they were through.  But apparently she didn’t see it quite that way, and the last thing he had done before sending her packing back to her husband, was to tell her in no uncertain terms that they were done.   
  
He’d done it where he had witnesses, just in case he needed the evidence… which he might.  He might need more than that.  A miracle maybe.   


Damn.  Varric needed to distract himself from the thoughts spinning in his head. He looked around to see who was riding nearby.    
  
“Hey Hero!” He called to Rainier who was slightly ahead of him.  The man they still sometimes referred to as Blackwall reined in his horse and waited for the dwarf to catch up.   
  
Varric looked up at the bearded warrior. “So... Hero, you and Josephine….”

Blackwall looked at him in horror. “No. No, you are not getting me into this conversation.”

Varric grinned. “Oh, content to pine in silence, gazing at the dear ambassador from afar!”

Blackwall put his gloved hand to his forehead and rubbed it. “Can we talk about something else? Revasa! Revasa is the best, you were right!”

Varric wasn’t taking the bait.  They could talk about jousting another day.He was miserable damn it, and he needed company.  “I could help, you know. Nothing stirs the heart like a well-written word,” he said.

Blackwall looked at him again, this time with an incredulous frown. “You're suggesting I woo the lady with someone else's words? You really want me on that path again?”

Varric opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again to say, “Oh... yeah. Bad idea. Let's just forget I said anything.”

Blackwall nodded and said, “I’m not about to take romantic advice from a man riding to his certain doom anyway.” Then he spurred his horse back ahead.

“You should!  I’m a goddamn poet!” Varric shouted after him.  
  


* * *

They passed under the stone arch that was the gate of Skyhold late in the afternoon.  The sun was setting and casting golden light on the faces of the people waiting for them. Varric saw his lady love in the courtyard, and she was smiling.

“Shit.. She’s gone round the bend.” He thought.

“Varric.” She greeted him, and reached up to help him remove the pony’s pack.

“Seeker.” Varric said, and hopped off his mount. “You are looking.... Cheerful.”

“And what reason do I have not to be cheerful?” she asked, and turned away to listen to what the Inquisitor was saying to commander Cullen.

Varric looked around and saw The Iron Bull helping to move some of the loot they had collected.  He walked over to him and quietly said “What did you do to her?  Is she brainwashed?  Is this a Ben-Hassrath thing?” 

Bull looked down at the dwarf and laughed. “Nope.  She was more worried than angry.  Didn’t want you to die thinking she was pissed at you. I wish she had needed convincing, I wanted to hold a favor over you, but she didn’t.”

“Well… Shit.” Varric swore under his breath while he watched Cassandra finishing with Cullen. 

She walked towards them with the weird cheerful smile still on her face, Varric felt like maybe she was hoping to just pretend nothing had happened, and as much as he wished he could too, he knew that wasn’t a good idea.

“Are you busy?” Varric asked her as she reached them. 

“No. I am finished for the day,” she said.

“I'm filthy, but after I get a bath, can we talk?” Varric couldn’t do anything until the last four days of road dirt and the smell of horse was washed off.

“Will the water be over your head?” Cassandra asked.

“What? I'm not that short Seeker…” Varric scowled. 

“I meant, if you don’t plan on being underwater, I do not see why we can not speak while you are bathing.” Cassandra responded with a slight twitch of her lip.

“Oh… Well yeah, I guess we could talk now then...” Varric swallowed and began walking toward the Skyhold bath house.

 

* * *

Inside, tubs of water were steaming, waiting for the men and women who had been out on the expedition to come and wash. The informality of the public bathing area was fine with Varric on a normal day, it even had its companionable charm as groups splashed and soaked and laughed off the stress of a campaign, but Varric didn’t want to have this conversation in public so he opted for one of the three private bathing areas that had been set up for the less community mired members of the inquisition. 

Cassandra stepped inside the walls of wood panels with him and pulled the curtain closed behind her.  Varric began to undress, removing his travel stained clothes and tossing them in a basket left there for the purpose. 

“I want to explain.” Varric started.

“About you kissing another woman in the full view of myself and half Skyhold?” Cassandra crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him with a half smile.

“Well.. Yeah.  But first things first, I was not kissing her.  She was kissing me.  I was petrified with terror and confusion.” Varric turned to face her, now wearing nothing but his smallclothes.

“I know. The look on your face has been described to me in detail, and the phrase ‘deer in a lanterns light’ seems the most agreed upon description.”

Varric pulled down his shorts and stepped into the bath.  “Well good then.  But just so you know as soon as I came out of that I pushed her off me.”

“That was also told to me more than once, and I believe you.” Cassandra said and walked over to the edge of the bath.  She sat on a low stool by the edge. “There seem to be several people in this place with an interest in our relationship.  Both Cole and Sera defended in their own way. The testimonies of Leliana and Vivienne were much more clear."

Varric had been running a cloth over his chest, washing away the sweat and dust of travel. 

“What? The Iron Lady? Nice to know I have fans around here, but that wasn’t one I expected.”   
  
He continued washing, running the cloth up his arms and across the back of his neck.  He pulled the tie from his hair and shook his hair down around his shoulders.

“I want you to know I’m sorry though.  Even if you aren’t pissed, which I am thrilled about by the way, I want you to know I am sorry it happened and that I am done with her.” Varric continued.

“Were you not done with her before?”. Cassandra asked.  She had dipped her hand in the water and was making small ripples with her fingers.

“I was.  I have been for a long time, but I was an ass, and because I hadn’t heard from her in so long, I didn’t think I needed to tell her that.  I thought she just knew… but she obviously didn’t.  She does now.  You can ask Blackwall. He heard every word of our goodbye.”

“I don’t doubt you.” Cassandra said. She stood and began to remove her armor. 

Varric stopped washing as he watched her remove her clothing and step carefully into the bath with him. he pulled his legs out of the way and shifted to make room.

“I am not arguing with this, I just want you to know I haven’t washed everything yet.” Varric grinned at her.

“I can help…” Cassandra slid closer to Varric, sliding one hand down to caress his already half hard cock.  He grunted and breathed out slowly.   
  
“I missed you. Maker, I love you.” Varric said, and grabbed her ass in both hands, pulling her closer to him so he could capture her lips with his.

He focused on touching every part of her.  His rough hands ghosted over her wet skin.  He traced the familiar scars on her chest and shoulders, fondled each breast, and wrapped his strong hands around her waist. 

Varric could feel the last few days tension melting away.  He had felt disconnected from her, and for the first time in his life, there had been no relief in it. He ran the backs of his fingers over the soft hair on her mound, before moving a strong finger inside her folds.  She shuddered slightly against him as he moved it against her. 

She released his mouth  and began to wrap one leg around his waist, but as her leg pushed behind him he lost his seat on the slippery bottom of the tub.  Varric dunked under the water before scrambling up coughing.  Cassandra splashed back away from him, throwing a wave of water over the edge of the bath.

They looked at each other and both started laughing.

“Can we agree that, as hot as it seems, bathtub sex is awkward as shit?” Varric asked.

Cassandra climbed out of the tub and began toweling off.  “It was something I wanted to try.” 

“I am all for experimenting.” Varric reached out for her, pulling her back to the edge of the tub.  

He was at just the right height, with her standing and him on his knees in the tub, and he couldn’t resist putting his mouth to her slit and moving his tongue inside.  She was wet with more than the water of the bath, and he moaned as he moved his mouth against her. 

Raising one leg to place her foot on the tub edge, Cassandra allowed Varric better access to her core, holding herself steady with one hand on his shoulder.

Varric lapped and suckled at her, his hands gripping her firm behind.  She was pushing against him as best she could, jerking her hips a little with each thrust of his tongue.  His cock was hard against the edge of the tub, and he was proud of every noise she made, every moan told him he knew her well enough, loved her well enough, to give her what she needed.

When she came her knees went weak, and he wrapped his arms around her to keep her from falling.  She sank to the wet floor and kissed him, reaching across the side of the tub and pressing her breasts against his wet chest hair.

“Clean up, and let us go to your room.” Cassandra said, and Varric quickly finishing his bath.


	10. Approbation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Cassandra experienced while Varric was away with Bianca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra's perspective. Same time. Different place. No smut, but I promise more in the next chapter. ;)

Cassandra’s reaction to the sight of the beautiful dwarf woman embracing Varric's had been immediate and violent.  Her anger had been hot, and she had stormed out of the hall. She had instinctively loosened her sword in its scabbard and headed for the practice yard. She needed to beat something.

After destroying one dummy, Cassandra knew that cloth and straw would give her no relief.  She needed to fight something real.  Something that was trying to kill her. So she grabbed her gear and went bear hunting.

The bears around Skyhold were huge white beasts.  They raided villages and sometimes waylaid the scouting parties that gathered herbs and hunted rams and rabbits in the mountains. 

It had taken until the evening to find her quarry, and then it had fought like... well, like a bear.  The battle had been long and she did not return to Skyhold until almost morning the next day.  After she had washed and cleaned her armor and weapons, dressed the few wounds she had taken, and left a note for Harding instructing her to retrieve the bear’s body, she had collapsed on her bedroll and slept until late in the morning.

When she stepped into the sun outside the forge door, she ran into the body of the Iron Bull. 

“Hey there Seeker.  You slept late?” Bull said, smiling down at her.

“I did. I went hunting yesterday and was... delayed.” Cassandra was eager to find Varric.  She had spent her anger and now felt she could deal rationally with the situation.

“I saw the bear when the scouts brought it back. Damn Seeker, put some horns on you, you make a pretty good Qunari.”

**“** I'm not certain that's a compliment, but thank you Bull. However, I am late for many things today and must be going.” Cassandra moved to go around Bull’s bulk.

“He already left,. With the Inquisitor and Bianca.” Bull said.

For a moment Cassandra got angry again. He couldn’t have waited for her?  He didn’t care enough to explain what was going on? Then she processed what Bull had said. Bianca. The dwarf woman had been Bianca?  It had not crossed her mind that the woman had been Varric’s past lover. The woman who had left him for another man but never truly let him go. She knew Varric still bore the scars of her cruelty.  She felt the nauseous ache of doubt give way to cold fear.

She turned to Bull. “I’ll talk to you later. I must find out what is going on. It must be important for them to have left so quickly.”

Bull reached out to her as she began to walk towards the great hall. “Wait,, Varric asked me to…”

“I will talk to you later. I must go.” Cassandra spoke over her shoulder as she walked swiftly to find Leliana. She needed to  learn where the Inquisitor and Varric had gone,  and what Bianca Davri had been doing at Skyhold.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Cassandra had not found Leliana in the ravenloft, nor had she found her in the library, so she decided to try Josephine's office.

As she passed across the balcony where Vivienne generally perched, coolly watching things in both the courtyard and great hall, the mage stopped her.

“My dear, there you are, and taking such long steps....” Vivienne had a way of making Cassandra feel like an ungainly little girl. 

“Vivienne, good morning.” Cassandra  greeted her but continued towards the door on the other side of the balcony. 

“May I have a word darling? I have something particular I would like to discuss with you.”

Cassandra looked longingly towards the door, but nodded and walked up the few steps of the landing and stood by the former court enchanter.

“I have heard… that you and Varric are... involved,” Vivienne began, “and as I was unfortunate enough to observe yesterday’s dramatics, I thought you might like to know what occurred.” 

Vivienne paused, but went on before Cassandra could get her mind to form a response. “I believe Varric was taken by surprise when the dwarf woman embraced him.  His face was quite amusing, rather like a duke I once knew who was caught in flagrante, and quite unfortunately unmasked.” Vivienne paused again as if remembering the incident.  

She continued, “I wanted to assure you that Varric disentangled himself as soon as possible from her embrace.  He did so with quite admirable discretion and without causing a scene, as was proper. I do not mean to pry, but I felt you should know the truth.  He was in a state of quite pathetic agitation when the party left this morning.”

“Vivienne, you surprise me.  I would not have expected you to approve.” Cassandra was still recovering from her shock.

“I do not approve. But the dwarf is writing a book that is inspired by myself, and I would not be pleased should he leave Skyhold before he finishes.” Vivienne sounded stern, but Cassandra saw a warmth in her eyes.  

“Thank you.” Cassandra said to Vivienne.

“What you choose to do with the information, I do not presume to suggest.” Vivienne turned away and walked towards the window. “You may go. You must have been in quite a hurry to have been rushing about with so little care to your figure; I won’t keep you.”

Cassandra nodded and continued on her way to Josephine's office.  As she descended the steps to the garden halls, she heard another set of feet coming up. A big hat was all that was visible, but that was sufficient identification.

“Hello Cole. How are you today?” Cassandra said.

“I’m well, but you’re hurting. He isn’t gone, he’s just away. He is hurting more. He thinks you’re angry, but you aren’t.”

“No Cole.  I am not angry anymore.” Cassandra marveled at the simple way Cole summed up the emotions others struggled for days to make sense of.

“I like him, and I like you. I want to help.”  Cole said.

“You have helped. You are a good friend.” Cassandra patted the spirits arm.  “I must go and find Leliana now. Do you know where she is?”

“Everywhere.” Cole said seriously.

Cassandra smiled at Cole, patted him again, and headed down the stairs and out into the covered walkway around the garden.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
That night in the tavern, and over the following days, Cassandra was overwhelmed by people approaching her to tell her what a great guy Varric Tethras was. 

He seemed to have friends all over Skyhold.  One of the kitchen maids stopped her in the hall and made sure to tell her that “She should grab him with both her fists and not let go ‘cause a good man is a rare thing, and she knew...” and would have gone into the details about what she knew if Cassandra had not made an excuse to hurry away.

Sera had been waiting in her room one night.  She had been lying in her cot with her feet on the blankets and one of Cassandra’s books held close to her nose.

“I thought you disliked my books Sera?” Cassandra asked, sitting to take off her boots.

“The one with the illustrations was just weird. This one’s not bad. Dwarfy wrote it.”

Cassandra stood and looked at the cover of the book before beginning to remove her armor. “That is my favorite. You can tell by the stab marks.”

Sera laughed and, swinging her legs off the bed sat up.  She tossed the book aside and put her hands behind her head. “You aren’t a bad one Seeker.” She said it like it was a new revelation.

“I am glad you feel that way.  You aren’t a bad one either.” Cassandra said. “You are, however on my bed, and I am tired.  Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“No. Yeah. Just looking out for my friends.” Sera looked away from Cassandra’s face.

“The Red Jennys?” Cassandra asked, confused.

“Nah. You friends. You and shorty. Wanna make sure you know what matters and what's bullshit.” Sera looked at Cassandra for just a few second before looking away again. 

“I mean. I'm here to help fix things, right? You treat me like I have a bit. With arrows. But Mr. Inquizypants doesn't really want me here, I'm not a clean one. I don’t believe as much as he does with his Heraldness. But nobody knows who believes what really... wonder if HE does.”

“You wonder if the Inquisitor knows you are Andrastrean?” Cassandra asked, trying hard to follow the winding path of Seras conversation.

“Not him. HIM. The Maker.  Does he know I believe?” Sera looked up, weariness was etched in the corners of her eyes.

“I think He does.  I think He sees your worth and your faith.” Cassandra reached out and gently touched  the elf womans hand.

Sera jumped up and said in her normal cheerful tone, “Varric isn’t a liar in the way you need to worry about. Big stories yeah, but he wouldn’t have a piece on the side unless it was toast. So no worries right, and don’t jump him when he gets back unless you jump him jump him.”

Cassandra began to laugh.  She couldn’t help it and she couldn’t stop. 

“You’re a loony,” Sera said and walked out the door.

Cassandra laughed for a few more minutes before she could calm down enough to think.  The whole of Skyhold it seemed had taken time to make sure she forgave her errant lover.  She couldn’t be angry anymore; she wasn’t even worried.  She missed him and she was concerned for him.  She wanted him back by her side so she could reassure him. 

“Maker protect him. she said aloud, before sliding under her blankets and picking up her book.

The next day the Inquisitor and his party returned and Cassandra heard from Varric’s own lips how sorry her lover had been about the whole thing.  She had thought for a moment about playing with him, drawing out the apology in some dramatic fashion like she had read about in books, but that was merely a momentary fancy.  She was happy to see him and she would not play with his heart the way the other woman had. 

By the time they had reached his room, after a slight delay while bathing, they were as close as they had been before. Cassandra wondered if love was like a scar.  Painful at the wounding, but when healed, so much stronger than before. 

Was she stronger now?  She had felt so weak when she had first begun to love him. But now, his hand in hers as he opened the door to his room and lead her inside, she felt as if she could take on the whole world.  


	11. Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor reveals the state of his mind, and his plans for Varric.  
> Cassandra gives Varric something he enjoys.

Maxwell Trevelyan paced the floor of his bed chamber, the light through the stained glass windows dappling the floor with gold and red. His mind would not be still.  It seemed to writhe in his skull, echoing the flashing light that burst from his hand in pulses of sickly green.  

His frantic thoughts returned again and again to thoughts of Seeker Cassandra.  He used to be able to call on her, talk to her, be reassured of his place in the madness around and inside him by her surety. Where was she?  Who was she with? How could she be somewhere else when he needed her?

Could he call on her now?  Call her away from HIS side.. It was tempting. He needed something to stop this madness that was wrecking his peace and destroying his happiness.

Perhaps this was a test of his Faith? No, he was certain it MUST be.  The Maker watched all he did.  The Maker wanted him to show him that he was in control, not only of himself, but of the Inquisition and all who were part of it.

“I am the Inquisitor.  If I need her, she must come.” He spoke to the empty room. He crossed the room and yanked hard on the rope that summoned a servant. 

Trevelyan returned to his pacing and thought of his time in Haven. On those cold and uncertain nights when the Seeker had sat with him and he had told her of his life in the circle.  He had told her of his fear of his own magic, and the joy he had found in learning the control and restraint the Chantry taught, of his reverence for the Templars who protected them, and protected the people from them, and his Faith in the Maker and his servants.

Cassandra had told him of the time she had spent as the right hand of the divine, and of her faith in the Maker and in Andraste. She had listened and reassured him. She had been the first to understand the truth, that it was the will of Andraste and the Maker that he lead them.

A knock at the door aroused him from his thoughts, and the voice of one of Skyholds pages called up the stairs to him. “Ser. You rang?”

“Please ask Seeker Cassandra to come to me at once.” Trevelyan called back.

“Of course.” The man replied and the Inquisitor heard the door close again.

He paced the room again, waiting for his mind to slow, for things to stop moving so quickly and give him time to catch his breath. He waited for the feeling of pure, unquestioning faith to return and ease his aching head.

When he heard a knock on the door again he knew it must be her.  “Come in.” he called and turned towards the top of the stair.  

But the cowl that rose over the stone railing did not cover a dark head wrapped in a braid, but the fire red hair of the Nightingale.

“Inquisitor.” Leliana's voice was soft but unyielding. “I am afraid the Seeker is not to be found, but the servant was concerned and came to me.  Is there something you need?”

“What I needed was Seeker Cassandra.  Where is she?  You know of course.” Trevelyan snapped.

“She is with Varric, as I think you know as well.” Leliana looked into Trevelyan’s eyes with a steadiness that made him turn away.

“I must put an end to this. That dwarf has no place here, and her dalliance with him has gone on long enough. I want him sent away Leliana.” Trevelyan strode across the room to his desk and began shifting papers from one pile to the other.

“Inquisitor, are you well?” Leliana had seen madness before, and knew the answer to her question before she asked it.

“I am well enough to know when there is dissention, when there are false friends in our midst Leliana.  He is not one of us and should not be here amongst those devoted to our cause.” The Inquisitor began pacing again. 

“Perhaps we should ask Commander Cullen or Josephine to join us.” Leliana spoke slowly as if to a frightened animal.

“I do not need to have a war council Leliana.  Am I not to decide who I choose to have in my Inquisition?  I am the Inquisitor, I am the Herald of Andraste. I bear the anchor that will save this world.” Trevelyan’s face was red with rage and madness.

“Indeed. You are all of those things Inquisitor.  I would remind you that you are also worn from travel and perhaps things will be better handled in the light of day.” Leliana tried again to soothe the madness of the man before her with her words.

Maxwell seemed to unravel a bit at the sound of her voice. “The day will bring no change.  I am steadfast in this as I am in all things. But I will not awake half of Skyhold at this hour.  Tomorrow then. Have him brought to me tomorrow.”

Maxwell waved a hand at Leliana, a curt dismissal that she would not have accepted from anyone less insane.  “Goodnight Inquisitor,” she said and left his room.

Leliana placed a guard at the Inquisitor’s door, and sent one of her own people with special instructions to keep a guard on Varric’s room.  It would be a long night, and the morning would bring changes and conflicts; she did not wish them to be disturbed. 

Before an hour had passed she was outside the door to Josephine's room, ready to wake sleeping Ambassador and prepare for the coming day and what it was to bring,   


 

* * *

In his room after bathing and walking in the cool evening air, Varric’s first action was to make a fire.  One had been laid ready for burning, and lighting a match he kneeled to start the blaze.  It began slow, but soon lapped at the logs and sent its welcome warmth out into the room.

“I feel domestic. Like a cat on some old woman’s lap.” Cassandra was relaxed on the settee, her legs resting on the cushioned footrest. 

A few impolite plays on the word “pussycat” crossed his mind, but Varric only said “You can sit on my lap,” and smiled at her lasciviously.

“I would like that.” Cassandra replied, and Varric grinned wider.  “But right now I would like you to sit here.”

Cassandra patted the cushion beside her and Varric sat down in his usual way, with one leg crossed loosely over the other, and his arms draped across the back of the couch. “Not like that.” Cassandra said.

“What?”

“Put both your feet on the floor and spread your legs.” Cassandra motioned her instructions, and Varic obeyed with a smirk and a questioning eye.

Cassandra slid off the couch to kneel on the floor between his legs. She ran her hands over the soft leather leggings until they reached his hard cock. She stroked it through his pants and he closed his eyes, allowing the sensation to wash over him.  THIS must be why she didn’t wear small clothes.  Leather on skin was something he could get used to. 

“I would like to remove your leggings.” Cassandra said.

“You go right ahead and do that Sweetheart.” Varric laughed at how serious she sounded.

“Do not laugh at me or I will stop.” Cassandra looked into his face with a half smile.

Varric stopped laughing immediately and stood so she could slide his pants down over his hips, then sat, lifting one foot then the other, as she remove them.

“Now please take your shirt off as well.” Cassandra ordered and Varric quickly complied without breaking a smile, though her tone still pulled at some part of him that was always eager to poke fun.

Cassandra stood and stripped before kneeling again on the rug between his legs.  She leaned over him, and her breasts brushed his hard cock.  He reached for her and pulled her up to him, kissing her passionately and running his hands over her warm, naked body.  She returned his kiss, but soon pushed him away and returned to her place on the floor.

She wrapped her hand around his shaft, gripped him between her strong fingers and stroking up and down his length.  He sighed again and leaned back, closing his eyes. He could feel her breasts against his thighs and the warmth of her breath close… so close to him.

“Please...” he said.  “Use your mouth.””

He had often wished she would take him that way, but he had never asked.  Now he looked down at her and almost choked on the lust he felt at the idea of it.

“I may not be very good... I haven’t ever....” Cassandra hesitated.   
  
“Sweetheart, anything you do with your mouth on my cock is going to be good.  It is going to be so good. Please.” Varric was too eager to be subtle about it.  He wanted her too badly.

If Cassandra had any doubt that he was telling her the truth, the moan he let out when she wrapped her lips around him put them all to rest, she felt herself grow wet when he began to pant with pleasure as she moved up and down on his shaft, following her lips with her hand.

The noises Varric was making were obscene, and he would have been embarrassed if he could think.. He was moaning, and panting, and every time her breasts swung against his balls he groaned like a dying man.

“Agh. Fuck Cassandra... Oh Maker that is so amazing. Fuckdon’tstop....”

Varric had always love getting head. Really loved it. And it had been a very long time, or so he told himself when he realized he was going to come already.

“You should stop. Cass... stop or I’m going to….”  Cassandra raised one hand and placed it over his mouth while she continued to move in a steady rhythm up and down his cock.  Varric came, screaming into her hand.

He thought he might have died. Maybe. Or had a stroke. 

Cassandra stood up and walked to a water pitcher on the table.  She poured a glass and drank it.

“I’m sorry,” Varric said weakly from his place on the couch.

Cassandra turned to look at him, his hair still wet and plastered to his sweaty forehead, flushed red from his face to his chest, and his still half hard cock hung between his open legs. She sniggered.  Then she laughed.

“What?” Varric said.

“You are apologizing. And you look very funny.” Cassandra said.

Varric sat up and pushed his hair back. “I was apologizing for the... You know... in your mouth. I can’t help the looking funny, that’s genetic.”

Cassandra returned to the couch and stretched out beside and on top of him, resting her head on his chest.  “I took the whole display as highly complimentary,”  She said.

“Fuck. Good... It was.  I’m not usually... I was loud.” Varric said.

“Yes you were.  You are lucky you have no neighbor in the room beside this one.  They would be very jealous.”

“Dorian was going to take that room before he moved in with Bull.  I am kind of sorry he didn’t hear that.” Varric began to laugh.  He kissed her head and stroked her back, caressing the scars that crossed it here and there.

“I want to fuck you…. but I’m not sure I can.” Varric’s voice was low and rough. “But just so you know, I want to fuck you so badly right now.”

Cassandra grew wetter at the sound of his voice and squirmed against him. 

“Do you like that? When I say how badly I want to be inside you?” Varric continued in the low tones, his hand slowing, and moving lower to stroke her ass.  He reached beneath her, and she raised her thighs to allow him access to her core.

“Shit. Yeah you do. You are so wet.” Varric moved his fingers with practiced ease, circling her nub slowly. She moaned against his chest.

“I want to fuck you Cassandra.” He whispered it in her ear now. 

“Ungh.. I need..” Cassandra grunted.

“You need my cock? Oh darlin’ you did too good a job. But I’ll take care of you.” Varric flipped his lover around so he could use both of his hands, pushing one, then two, then three fingers inside her while he continued to rub her button.

“Come for me.  Cassandra, love, sweetheart... Come for me. Please.” 

She couldn’t bear it. His hands, and words, pushed her over the edge and she exhaled with a wail as she came.

“That's what I’m talking about!” Varric jumped up and looked so pleased with himself that Cassandra started laughing again.  

He smiled, reached down and lifted her from the couch.

“We are going to bed.” Varric said, and Cassandra didn’t argue with him.

  
  


* * *

 

Outside on the landing, a red haired elf wearing a black hood and cloak blushed to the tips of her ears.  Leliana had told her there might be trouble, but THIS.... She better get some leave soon, or at least some nights off.  She was going to need some time to find SOMEONE to help her forget this... Or remember it...

  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was really smutty.. Blowjobs are hard (hehe) to write.
> 
> Thanks to those of you still reading! I hope you like this bit!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric faces banishment from Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those of you still reading! Work has been insane (60+ hour weeks on top of parenting and trying to eat and sleep.. agh!) and updates will not be easy.. but I will not abandon the story!  
> It will, however, take a bit longer than I like to update and chapters will be smaller.

A knock on the door had come very early that morning.  Varric had thought it was probably Cullen looking for Cassandra for early training.  He had smiled at the thought that a friend would come looking for her here, in his room.  He wasn’t a secret anymore. It made him feel accepted, and the thought of their relationship being accepted cast a warm glow.

Leliana’s voice outside the door shattered his momentary serenity. “Varric, Cassandra, you must get up now.  It’s important.” 

Cassandra was up and had pulled on her pants and tunic before Varric knew what was happening.  She strode across to the door and opened it before he had even fully sat up in bed.

“What is it?  What has happened?” Cassandra held the door wide and Varric could see past her and onto the landing. He was surprised to see both Josephine and Cullen standing on the stone balcony beside Leliana.    
  
“May we come in?” Leliana asked.

“Of course.” Cassandra answered, then looked at Varric for his answer.

“Of course, yeah.  I’m just.. not wearing pants.” Varric wrapped the blanket more tightly around his waist and tried to reach his shirt on a chair near the bed.  It was just a bit too far away and he gave up.  Everyone there had seen sixty percent of his chest anyway, so what the hell. 

“We are sorry to disturb you at such an early hour.” Josephine addressed Varic but faced the opposite wall, very obviously not looking towards the bed.

“It was necessary, Varric.” Cullen’s voice was as serious.  “We have to talk to you before he wakes up.”

“What are you talking about Curly? Before who wakes up?” Varric asked, a feeling of dread growing in his gut.

Leliana stepped forward and raised a hand to stop Cullen. “We came to tell you both that the Inquisitor has decided to send Varric away from Skyhold.” She said.

Varric felt as if he had been punched in the chest.  “What?”  He jumped out of the bed, at the last minute grabbing the blanket to conceal his crotch.

“It’s preposterous. He can’t have meant it Leliana.” Cullen turned to the Spymaster.

“We have been through this Cullen.  He very much meant it.  I am not going to repeat all that he said again, time is too short, but I assure you he means to send Varric away from Skyhold this very morning.”

Cassandra was pale and Varric crossed the room to her side.  He laid a hand on her arm, using the other to hold the blanket around his waist.

“Varric.. Um.. would you like to put on any… clothing?” Josephine was still turned to face the wall.

“You’re not wearing pants.” Cullen said. For the first time looking directly at the dwarf. 

“You’re a master of observation Curly.” Varric said.  He squeezed the Seekers arm then crossed the room to his dresser.  He pulled out a pair of trousers, but not having anywhere private to change, he decided he didn’t care, dropped the blanket and began to put his pants on.

“Agh!  Varric for the Makers sake, warn a fellow.” Cullen squawked and covered his eyes. Josephine, still facing the wall, snickered. 

“Please. All of you. I need you to explain what has happened.” Cassandra’s clear voice quieted everyone in the room at once.

“My friend, The Inquisitor called you to his rooms last night.  When the messenger could not find you, he came to me.  I went to him myself. He was.. unstable.  He has convinced himself that Varric does not belong, but the truth is darker.. You know it I expect.”

Cassandra’s face was hard. “Yes.”

“What?  What do you both know?  Care to enlighten the rest of us?” Varric finished buttoning his shirt about 6 inches below his neck and looked at Cassandra.

“Leliana thinks that the Inquisitor is in love with Cassandra, and that he has made up some excuse to send you away as some kind of revenge.  It’s insane. There is no way he is that crazy.” Cullen said.

Cassandra twitched at Cullen's words.  “He is, I am afraid, that crazy Commander.”

“Wait, that’s not what I meant…”Cullen began.

“We have all seen it.” Josephine jumped in. “The Inquisitor has always held Cassandra in very high regard. He seemed to worship her for a time, but after Adamant.. well..”

“He began to lose his mind.” Leliana stepped forward and addressed them all. “Though the matter at hand effects Varric and Cassandra directly, there is something much more dire to consider. Last night I observed him for some time. The mark on his hand was active, and I saw several small rifts open and shut without his knowledge.  He is a danger to all of us.”

“And to himself.” Josephine spoke up.  “We can not forget that the mark may be doing this to him. He may be influenced by it’s magic.  I do not think he is an evil man Leliana.” 

“Whether he is evil or not is irrelevant. If he is using unstable magic in the keep we have a responsibility  to..” Cullen realized what he had planned to say, and put his hand to his face. “I have only ever dealt with these things as a Templar.” He said.

“Wait just a damn minute here.  Are you suggesting.. Curly, you can’t be saying that you want us to make him tranquil?” Varric couldn’t believe he had to be the one to defend the man who was about to banish him, try steal his girlfriend, and possibly kill himself and everyone at Skyhold.

“It would not be my first choice of action.” Cullen spoke clearly, looked directly at Varric. “But if he is opening rifts in his room Varric.. there are families here.” 

Varric looked at the former templar.  They had a past, a rough one, but he knew Cullen was a good man, a man who would sacrifice his own life to protect the innocent. Did it really surprise him that s man like that would have little hesitation in sacrificing the emotional life of one mad mage?

“We will do what must be done.  He can not be killed, by his own hand or any other.  We need him to close the breach.  Though I have valued him as a friend and as a leader before this day, I would not hesitate at this time to do what must be done to save Thedas.” Cassandra’s voice was cold and hard.  Varric remembered that unfeeling tone, though it had been months since he had heard it.

“Before we deal with The Inquisitor, we need to decide what to do about Varric.  Can we allow him to be banished from Skyhold?  It would be a diplomatic nightmare.  We will look unstable, weak.. And if you chose to, Varric, you could make things difficult for us.” Josephine looked at the dwarf.

“I wouldn’t do anything that would add to your work load Ruffles.” Varric smiled at her, but there was no warmth in his face.  “I’ll leave. I’ll leave now and he won’t have the opportunity to screw things up by kicking me out.” He said.

“What?” Cassandra turned to him. “You… You.” She stopped and looked at his haggard face.  The sad lines between his eyes, and the gentle but pained smile he cast up at her.

“He is right.” Leliana spoke after a moment of tense silence.  “It is the only way to avoid the political issues a public rupture would cause.”

“I’m sorry to say I agree.” Josephine said. “Varric, we will fix this.  It will not be for long.”

Cullen turned to Varric and said “You’re still surprising me. We know what you are sacrificing.  You have my respect.”

“Great… respect won’t pack my bags Curly.” Varic quipped, but he smiled at the templar to take the sting out of his words.  “How long do I have?” He asked as he turned to face leliana.

“A few hours I think.  Will you write a letter? I think a meeting would be unwise.” 

“Yeah. Now can you all leave? I have packing to do and I’d like to…” He looked at Cassandra, still cold and silent.

“Of course.” Josephine turned and opened the door for the others. 

“I will post one of my people outside. You can give her your letter.” Leliana closed the door with a gentle click.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading.


	13. 13 Seperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric Leaves Skyhold. A very short chapter that is almost entirely dialogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried a new style for this chapter, since there are only the two of them speaking... I hope it is effective.

The door closed and Varric turned to Cassandra, not knowing, really, what to expect.

“I had to.  I hope you understand that I…”

“You do not have to explain to me Varric.” 

“I don’t, I know, but maybe I want to.” 

“I understand perfectly, there is no need.  You are doing the right thing for… for the inquisition.”

“But not for us?”

“I did not say that.”

“You don’t have to, I know it’ looks that way, but I think you underestimate us.  I think we are stronger than this bullshit.”

“Are we?”

“Yes.”

“You have no doubts? No fears?”

“I have a shit ton of fears, but none of them are based in a doubt of you, of my love for you, or of your love for me.. Most of them involve fireballs and bears.”

“You can JOKE at a time like this?”

“I can joke any time,and you love me for it.”

“I do love you.. I love you so much..”

She melted into his arms and clung there for a time, until she rose and shook herself.

“You need to pack. Let me help you.”

They both bustled around the room gathering odds and ends that he would need to carry with him.  She would pack the rest to send after him.

“You will go back to Kirkwall?”

“I guess.. Where else would I go?”

“I will know where to write then.”

“I will write to you long before I get back to Kirkwall.” 

“Will you send me poetry?”

Standing with his bags half packed Varric could not believe the world could be so goddamn shitty.

“Oh god.. I’m not sure I can do this Cass.. “  

“You can. You are strong. We are strong my love, or so I have been told.”

“Don’t quote me to me. It’s not good reference material.”

“I like it.”

“You have terrible taste.”

They ended up in each other's arms again, and this time it was he who put his forehead to hers, said quietly “I have to go.”

“Do you have what you need?”

“Yes. But I can’t take it with me.”

“You can take part of me. You can take the best part of me.”

“Your Ass?” 

Varric's face split into a grin, and though the sound she made was disgusted, she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Write to me.”

“Every Day.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They walked to the stable together, her hand held in his.  He mounted a sturdy mountain pony, and she reached up to him for a last kiss.

“Goodbye my love.” 

“No. See you later, OK?”

“That is not as romantic.”

He laughed, pressed her hand once more to his lips, and rode out through the gates of Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was short, and very nondescript! It is going to be hard to leave these two like this for very long... I hope I get some slow days next week!


	14. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Cassandra exchange letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not begin to compete in the epistolary category with Vehlr and Weatherdlaw.  
> If you haven't read their logolepsy series, go do it now.. no, wait. read this first because it will not compare after.

_My Dearest Love,_  

_It has been less than a day since you departed, but I would not delay writing for fear it would make the accounting of today's events less accurate._

_The Inquisitor was informed by your letter that he would not be given the honor of banishing you. He seemed to take the news well, I was in the room when he read it, and he was not angered but rather thought he had done well in frightening you away.  His madness shows itself most in this underestimation of your bravery._

_He raved for a time about your faithlessness, and when he had ceased to do so, he seemed satisfied.  He has asked me to accompany him on the next mission.  I do not wish to be in his company, but will suffer what I must for our cause, as distasteful as his presence is to me now._

_I have not wept for your absence, though there is a sore ache in my chest when I think of the empty bed in your chambers.  My heart may not yet be aware of the difference between this separation and the many others we have experienced.  Perhaps the poor thing thinks you are merely at the Hinterlands, and will return to us in a day or so._

_This seems a very short letter, and upon reading it I fear I have studied too hard for words of 4 syllables.  Forgive me darling, and let us hope our separation is not long enough to teach me to be a better correspondent._

_Yours Always,_

_Cassandra_

  


Varric read the letter in a little Inn a few days ride from Skyhold.  It had been delivered by an unpleasant raven with a bald patch on its back.  The bird had glowered at him as he removed the letter from its case, and then flown up to perch on the beams above him.

“Are you to wait for a reply?” Varric had called after the bird, but its only response was a hoarse squawk as it turned its back to him.

The letter was no tender missive, but it was so completely _her._ He read it three times through, hearing the words in her voice, thickly accented and full of irritation, passion, sadness…  damn.  He missed her so much already.  

Had it been easier before? Traveling with no strings attached, no one to worry for or about? Yeah, it probably had been, but there was no way to go back now, and he wouldn’t choose to be alone again. Not anymore.  Life was always harder when you loved someone, but it was sweeter too.  So much sweeter.

Varric pulled out his notebook and began writing.

 

_Hi Cass,_

_I’m writing you from a little podunk Inn halfway to the coast.  I’m hoping to book passage on a ship that smells a bit less like mabari and old socks than the one we crossed in.  Remember that trip?  I sure do.  I was seasick and I swear to the Maker you laughed at me._

_I hate boats, and no matter how swift and easy the ship is back to Kirkwall, I will hate that boat more than any other.  It will be the one that takes me away from you, and I hope it sinks… after I get off it, of course._

_As far as the Inquisitor is concerned, I care less than a nug shit about what he thinks of me, so am not offended that he feels like he has the upper hand.  I’m doing this for you, for our friends, and for Thedas, not to placate some smug asshole with a god complex. When this whole thing is over, if we all live through it, I am going to punch him right in his stupid face._

_Be careful in the field with that guy. I know you can take care of yourself, but try to share a tent with Tiny if you can.  Shit.. that sounds overprotective, but I can’t help thinking he will try something._

_This morning I woke up thinking of the skin under your breasts.  How soft it is, how it smells and tastes.  I think I will be missing you piece by piece for as long as we are apart.  If I had to miss all of you at once it would kill me._

_I love you so much Cassandra._

_That bird you sent just hopped down and is giving me a nasty stare, so I am going to wrap this up and send the ugly thing back to you._

_With all my love,_

_Varric_

 

Varric folded his letter and spoke to the big black bird now eyeing him from the back of the chair opposite. “Baldy, you better get this where it needs to go, I’m counting on you.” 

The raven cawed low in its throat as it flapped over and allowed Varric to put the letter inside its carrier.  It cocked its head and eyed the plate of half finished stew with a hungry look.

“Go ahead, it’s all your’s.” Varric said and pushed the plate towards the bird.

The raven ate a few chunks of meat from the bowl, looked at Varric with less apparent venom, then took off out the open window of the inn.  Varric sat back and sighed.  

It was going to be hard, being far away and worrying about all the shit she had to deal with without him, but if anyone could handle it, she could. He felt his heart well up with love and something like pride.

"Well" he said to himself "This will certainly give me something to write about." 

Varric took out his notebook, and turned to an empty page.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
